


Alone Together

by Zenece



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 06:53:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenece/pseuds/Zenece
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thoughts about loneliness lead to thoughts about togetherness. But will it come to actions?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone Together

~ ~ ~

 

Captain’s personal log, supplemental.

It’s the little things that make you realize you’re alone. The way you always sleep in the middle of the bed, hogging the covers, because there’s no one else claiming any of it. And how no one on the ship, except maybe the Doctor, has ever seen you without make up. And how there’s never, ever, a warm body to curl up with on the sofa.

Maybe I should get a pet. A dog that would be happy to see me when I get home. A wagging tail and a happy bark when I enter my quarters, followed by a wet nose nudging my leg. Ah, who am I kidding? It wouldn’t be fair to the dog.

I guess it’s just one of those nights.

I’ve been to a fancy dinner this evening –senior staff only- to say goodbye to Neelix. He’ll be leaving us shortly to live with a colony of Talaxians. The party was great. Good food, good company and a hell of a lot of laughs. Even Tuvok raised his eyebrow in amusement on several occasions. And that means something! I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with the people I’ve come to consider family after all these years.

After dinner and a few drinks I returned to my quarters. Alone. And for the first time since we’ve been stranded here I absolutely loathed that. Everyone else had someone to go home with or to go home to. B’Elanna went home with Tom, Seven with Chakotay. Harry Kim couldn’t wait to get back to Ensign Jenkins and of course Neelix was eager to see Dexa and Brax. And I went home alone. Even Tuvok had a call scheduled with his wife back on Vulcan.

I’m happy for all of them, don’t get me wrong, but I too would like to feel the warm blanket of love wrapped snugly around me. The prospect of being alone for the rest of my life, or at least the foreseeable future, is becoming less and less appealing.

What’s happening to me lately? I’ve been alone for so many, many years and I enjoyed the freedom that came with it. But lately I find it much harder to drown out the deafening silence in my quarters. I get stir crazy in the company of my own thoughts. It’s lonely at the top, they say.

Well hi there, mirror image. See, I’m not alone; there are two of us now. Care to join me for a whiskey? Cheers. As if drinking is going to solve anything. I don’t even like this stuff. B’Elanna does. I wonder why.

If I turn around right now, will someone be sitting on my couch, waiting for me to join them? Someone raising one eyebrow and saying in a low seductive voice: “Whiskey Kath? You don’t even like that stuff.” And they’d move to stand behind me, taking the glass out of my hand and putting it aside, and then gently wrap their arms around me and place soft kisses in my neck...

But there’s no one here. Not now, not tomorrow. And apparently no amount of whiskey is going to change that.

Oh Kathy-me-girl-in-the-mirror, don’t look so sad. How about we go get some sleep? You keep me warm; I’ll keep you warm, deal? No imaginary arms for us tonight. Things will look less gloomy after a good night’s rest. Sweet dreams to me.

Computer, end personal log.

~ ~ ~

B’Elanna Torres’ personal log, supplemental.

I can’t sleep. Again. I want to get out of here, but I wouldn’t know where to go. Tom is still sleeping, oblivious to my absence. He hasn’t noticed yet that recently I’ve spent most of my nights pacing around our living quarters. He doesn’t know about my doubts.

I guess I could say that things haven’t been the same between us since I lost the baby six months ago, but if I’m really honest with myself I have to admit that the miscarriage was nothing but a catalyst.

In many ways Tom is a terrific friend. He really cares for me, even loves me, but I’ve never felt as alone in my life as I do now, with him. It’s not his fault. After all, you don’t blame a blind man for not seeing. I’m sure he would do anything to make it better for me, but a blind man can’t paint the world in beautiful colors, no matter how hard he tries.

I don’t know for sure when it started. I don’t recall the exact moment when I first realized that there’s more than this. But I do know that it was because of her.

When you think about it, it doesn’t make any sense. I’ve known her about as long as I’ve known Tom and I disliked her just as much when we first got here. But things changed over the years. First I came to respect her as a Captain, then later as a woman. Around a year ago I started to consider her a friend. And now I think I’m in love with her...

It’s... I don’t know what it is. She sometimes gets that look in her eyes, like the light inside them grows dimmer, and she seems so tired and forlorn. And for some reason it makes me want to take her in my arms and do everything in my power to make it better for her.

Like tonight at the party, her smile hardly ever reached her eyes. I don’t think anyone else noticed; she was trying very hard to hide it. But she wasn’t fooling me. Something definitely wasn’t right.

I wondered all night why she seemed so sad. It’s not like I could’ve asked her. And it’s not like she would’ve told me. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to know everything there is to know about her.

I’ve never had these kinds of feelings. There’s this restlessness, this desire to be there for her, be with her... I don’t quite know what to make of it. I’m not even sure if this is love. Could be something else entirely. I mean, how do you know, anyway? From a look, a kiss...?

I thought I loved Tom. I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t think at the time that I loved him. But now everything is different. Or rather: everything is the same, but I’m different. And I’m trying to make sense of it all, without much luck.

There’s no one I can talk to about this. Tom won’t understand, not really. I’m quite sure SHE would. But then SHE is not exactly an option.

I should try to get some sleep. Maybe things will look clearer in the morning. Maybe...

Computer, end log.

~ ~ ~

Kathryn Janeway pinched the bridge of her nose briefly. She was sporting a killer headache. It seemed that she was getting too old for partying late. And of course that whiskey afterward hadn’t helped either.

Wondering if the rest of her senior staff was having the same problem, she glanced at them sitting around the briefing table. But they all looked quite awake and well rested. She was the only one who seemed to feel a bit hung-over.

Her gaze fell on B’Elanna and she noticed the half Klingon stifle a yawn. She looked like she’d been up all night. Kathryn mindlessly looked at Tom, expecting to see the same telltale signs of lack of sleep, but he looked extremely alert compared to his wife.

Directing her gaze back to B’Elanna, Kathryn studied her chief engineer’s face. She didn’t only look tired; she seemed to be miles away as well, at a place none too joyful by the looks of it. Kathryn wondered if the younger woman had behaved differently the evening before at the party but couldn’t remember. She’d been too preoccupied with her own thoughts.

As if she sensed her staring, B’Elanna suddenly looked up at Kathryn. They held each other’s eyes for a moment and Kathryn saw something she couldn’t identify flash through B’Elanna’s dark eyes. Before she could think anything of it though, it was gone. She gave the younger woman a slight sympathetic smile that -she hoped- conveyed she, too, was having a hard time keeping her eyes open.

B’Elanna just looked back, her expression unreadable, and after a beat gave her Captain a brief weak smile before seemingly returning her attention to Harry Kim’s report.

Kathryn canted her head to the side and frowned slightly. Whatever reaction she’d expected, that wasn’t it. Her inspection of the Lieutenant was stopped short however when Harry ended his report and all eyes turned to her again.

“Thank you Harry.” Kathryn nodded and smiled at the young ensign. She looked around the table. “If there’s nothing else, we’re finished here.”

Everyone was already getting up when B’Elanna noticed the briefing was over. Snapping out of her thoughts, she grabbed her PADDs and hastily got up as well, exiting the Briefing Room under Kathryn’s watchful gaze.

~ ~ ~

Sitting in her chair on the Bridge, Kathryn Janeway enjoyed the bustle of activity around her. Her hangover headache was –thankfully- quickly receding and she briskly gave orders to the Bridge Crew. After making sure the shields on the asteroid were completely operational, Voyager was finally leaving the Talaxian colony.

Kathryn was eager to get underway again. She was an explorer after all. The sight of stars warping by on the view screen always gave her a sense of purpose. They were going somewhere. They were on their way Home.

‘And then what?’ A little voice inside her whispered. ‘Earth is no more Home than Voyager is.’ She quickly shook her head, silencing her thoughts. Not today.

“Set a course for home mister Paris, warp eight.” She ordered.

At the con Tom acknowledged. “Aye Captain, warp eight.” With a few taps on his console he smoothly propelled Voyager into the depths of space.

Janeway turned to OPS. “Harry, begin a series of long range scans. I want to know what’s ahead. Coordinate with Seven in Astrometrics.”

Harry nodded. “I’m already on it Captain.”

‘Good boy.’ Janeway thought and grinned inwardly. She looked around the Bridge approvingly. Voyager and its crew were such a well oiled machine. Seven years of facing the unknown in the Delta Quadrant together would have that effect, of course. Their predicament had made them into one big family and Kathryn cared deeply for each and every member of that family.

She smiled sadly as she thought of Neelix, who’d left the herd the day before. Kathryn knew he’d leave a big void. Voyager wouldn’t be the same without him. He seemed happy with Dexa and Brax though, and she wished him well.

Checking the time on the chronometer Kathryn decided to see how the Mess Hall was faring without its chef. She’d skipped breakfast in the morning on account of the hangover and feeling slightly nauseous, but now she was feeling better and her appetite had returned.

Getting up, she half turned to Chakotay.

“You have the Bridge, Commander.” She smiled and then made her way to the turbolift.

“Deck two, Mess Hall.” She instructed as she stepped inside.

Kathryn exited the turbolift after the very short ride and walked into the Mess Hall. She was greeted by the distinct smell of burnt meat and stopped dead in her tracks, taking in the ruckus around the counter. A dozen or so men and women were gathered in what seemed like a joint cooking event. By the looks of it, it wasn’t a success.

Thinking she was better safe than sorry, Kathryn headed for the replicator and ordered. They would have to solve this cooking problem. She’d put the matter in Chakotay’s capable hands, she decided. It was one of the perks of having a second in command.

Taking her tray from the replicator, she turned around and scanned the room, looking for a quiet place to sit. In the far corner, over by the window, she spotted the lone figure of B’Elanna Torres, seemingly not paying attention to any of the commotion surrounding her. Mindful of B’Elanna’s puzzling mood during the morning briefing, Kathryn headed in her direction.

“Mind if I sit down, Lieutenant?” She inquired friendly. “I’d prefer not to sit in the blast zone.” She indicated the counter with a grin.

B’Elanna, shaken out of her reverie, threw her a hesitant smile. She gestured at the chair, clearing away some of the PADDs she’d brought with her. “Have a seat.”

“Thanks.” Kathryn put her tray on the table and sat down. She pointed at B’Elanna’s abandoned half finished meal. “You miss Neelix’s cooking too huh?”

“I wasn’t very hungry.” B’Elanna replied, feeling very self-conscious. She’d been mulling over her feelings for the Captain, and now the woman was sitting in front of her in the flesh. It was a bit unnerving.

“Neither was I, until now.” Kathryn smiled. “I must admit I feel a little hung-over from last night.” She confided conspiratorially. “I probably drank more than I should have.”

“You only had two glasses of wine.” B’Elanna stated matter-of-factly, then mentally berated herself for making it seem like she had been checking up on her Captain’s drinking habits. She fought hard to keep from blushing, but Kathryn didn’t notice.

“I also had two whiskeys later on.” Janeway clarified, wondering why she was telling B’Elanna about that.

B’Elanna nodded, as if that explained everything. “I didn’t know you liked whiskey.” She stated, rather surprised to learn this particular piece of information.

“I don’t.” Janeway offered noncommittally, her tone involuntarily dissuading B’Elanna from asking any further.

Frowning slightly, B’Elanna asked herself why anyone would drink whiskey if they didn’t like it. Unless of course she had been offered a glass by someone she just couldn’t refuse... Sure, Kathryn had left the party alone, but that didn’t mean she’d been alone all night. At that thought, B’Elanna’s heart sank.

Kathryn watched the expressions play on B’Elanna’s face and wondered what she seemed so troubled about.

She wanted to ask about it but quickly stopped herself. Why would B’Elanna open up to her of all people? She was the Captain after all. Kathryn was surprised with the sudden longing she felt to have a more personal friendship with the younger half-Klingon.

Both women’s thoughts were interrupted by a comm signal. “Sickbay to Lieutenant Torres.”

B’Elanna tapped her combadge. “Yes Doctor?”

“Lieutenant, if you have a moment, I require your assistance in Sickbay.”

“I’ll be right there Doctor.” B’Elanna replied and closed the comline. She got up, collecting her PADDs and taking her tray to be recycled, and smiled briefly at her Captain, more or less grateful for the interruption. “Duty calls.”

“Of course.” Janeway nodded. “We should do this again some time.” She added without really meaning to do so.

“Sure.” B’Elanna nodded hesitantly. “Enjoy the rest of your meal.” She added politely before heading off, again with Kathryn’s thoughtful gaze on her retreating back.

~ ~ ~

“Please state the nature of the technical emergency.” B’Elanna said dryly as she entered Sickbay, welcoming the distraction of work.

A glare from the Doctor indicated he was not amused by her quip. He got right down to business.

“As you know, Lieutenant, I have developed a technique that allows me to make a holographic representation of all my patients.” The Doctor began. “It’s really fascinating how...”

“Yes I remember.” B’Elanna cut him off. “And you need me because?”

Slightly annoyed at the interruption the hologram explained. “I’ve come up with the brilliant idea to link each crewmembers medical history to their holographic file so that I can not only keep better track of their health but also make predictions about possible problems in the future.” He smiled smugly, but toned it down as he saw the unimpressed look on the engineer’s face.

“Anyway,” he continued, “I need your help because every time I try to link the medical history to the hologram its matrix crashes.” He illustrated his words by calling up a holographic representation of the half-Klingon. As he tapped on the nearby console to add the medical history file the hologram shimmered out of existence. On the console a red indicator flashed to indicate that an error had occurred.

“Hmm.” B’Elanna said as she looked at the Doctor’s attempts. “No wonder it crashes. This is a simple rudimentary holomatrix with limited capacities.” She tapped a few more controls and then sighed as she placed her hands on top of the console. “Basically you’re trying to make a rag doll sing and dance.”

B’Elanna noticed the Doctors smug smile falter even more and cocked her head. “Lucky for you, I can fix it by expanding the matrix capacity and implementing a larger buffer that will allow for more complex extrapolations.” She looked at the console again. “I’ll have to do it in the Hololab. It has more advanced tools.”

She headed for the door. “It’ll only take about half an hour. Then I’ll be back to reinitialize the holograms here.”

~

B’Elanna finished the last few upgrades on the generic hologram’s matrix, before calling up her own holographic image. At the push of a button her identical, immobile twin shimmered into existence right in front of her. So far so good.

With a few commands, she added the medical history file to the holographic matrix. The hologram in front of her flickered for a second but stabilized almost immediately. It seemed to work. She tried a few random extrapolating subroutines and her readouts indeed showed that the holomatrix remained stable. Problem solved.

She stood back a little and observed the holographic image still standing immobile before her. So this was what people saw when they looked at her. This was what Kathryn Janeway saw when she looked at her.

Almost on their own accord her hands played the console in front of her and her twin shimmered out of existence only to be replaced by an exact copy of Kathryn Janeway.

B’Elanna hesitantly looked up, reminding herself that this was only a hologram. It felt strangely liberating to be able to really look at this woman, to drink in the sight of her without having to go about it covertly. Stepping from behind the console, B’Elanna slowly got closer to the hologram, until she was standing almost toe to toe with it.

She could clearly see the texture of Kathryn’s skin, the slight wrinkles around her eyes and the hint of freckles on her nose. Her eyes were the most incredible color blue B’Elanna had ever seen but they seemed to stare right through her. What would it be like, B’Elanna wondered, to have them look AT her from this close?

“Doctor to Lieutenant Torres. Is it working?”

The sudden intrusion of sound made B’Elanna jump back. She tapped her combadge. “I’m ready here Doctor, I’ll be right back.”

After a quick last look at the embodiment of her desires, B’Elanna made the hologram shimmer out of existence and exited the Hololab.

~ ~ ~

After her duty shift, Kathryn sat alone in her quarters, leaning back against the couch with her eyes closed. In her mind, she’d taken off her Captain’s mask and was now studying it carefully, trying to figure out why lately it seemed to be so heavy; such a burden, rather than a part of who she was.

Probably, she mused, because it seemingly had become ALL she was; always the Captain, never Kathryn. Sometimes it seemed as if she wasn’t even human. The image of ‘The Captain’ was one of an all-knowing, almighty creature who decided between right and wrong, between life and death on a daily basis. Like a god, only powered by coffee.

At the thought of coffee, Kathryn got up and went to the replicator. “As your god I demand you supply me with your finest blend of Divine Nectar.” She said with a dramatic flair, as if she was an actress on stage.

Unaffected by its owner’s delusions of grandeur the computer responded dryly. “Please restate command.”

Kathryn grinned. “Coffee, blend number three, black.”

A cup of the dark liquid materialized in front of her, its rich aroma filling her nostrils. Picking it up, she carefully walked back to the couch and sat down before taking a sip.

It’s not that she disliked being Captain, Kathryn thought to herself. On the contrary, she enjoyed almost every minute of it. She just disliked being ‘defined’ by it. There was more to her than just being Voyager’s Captain. But only a precious few on board could see that.

Tuvok could. He knew her well. He was her oldest and most trusted friend. He’d seen her in the best and worst of times and he, like no other on board, knew what had shaped her in this life to the person she was now. In another way, so did Chakotay. Every day he stood by her side, and from that viewpoint he knew better than anyone what it meant for her to be the Captain.

Kathryn knew for a fact that she needed the friendship of those men just as much as her coffee to get through the days. They were the only people on board who saw the woman behind the Captain.

No, Kathryn thought as she took another sip of her coffee, there was someone else who saw more than just ‘the Captain’. B’Elanna saw it too. Or at least Kathryn felt like she could see right down to her core sometimes.

That hadn’t always been the case though. Kathryn clearly remembered the young, rebellious half-Klingon when she first got on board Voyager; the defiant freedom fighter that had challenged her authority more than once and distrusted everything the ‘Starfleet Captain’ said or did.

Later, B’Elanna had settled into the life aboard Voyager and grown in her role as Chief engineer, and Kathryn knew she’d come to respect her as Captain.

And lately, Kathryn had the feeling B’Elanna could see beyond that somehow. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. But it felt as if B’Elanna ‘understood’ her in a way that Tuvok or Chakotay didn’t.

Maybe it was because of what they had in common. They were both highly intelligent, resourceful and stubborn women who were quite private. And just as Kathryn could see ripples of movement beneath B’Elanna’s still surface, she suspected the younger woman could see the same with her.

Kathryn recalled their meeting in the Mess Hall at lunchtime earlier that day. Even though, strictly speaking, the conversation had been short, Kathryn felt like there’d been some kind of deeper understanding between them.

We’d make good friends, she thought. The idea of talking to B’Elanna on a more personal level appealed to her. Kathryn was sure it’d be good for both of them.

She finished her coffee before coming to a decision. “Computer, locate B’Elanna Torres.” She asked briskly.

The reply came almost instantly. “B’Elanna Torres is in her quarters.”

Good, Kathryn thought, no sense in putting these things off. It seemed unusual that she would actually go and ask B’Elanna to be closer friends, but she was the Captain, the only one in the Delta Quadrant for that matter, which made this an unusual situation.

Deliberately leaving her ‘command mask’ off, Kathryn left her quarters.

~ ~ ~

“You sure are quiet this evening.” Tom Paris eyed his wife with mild concern as they were sitting in front of his television set, watching an old movie he’d found in the archive. He’d noticed B’Elanna seemed a bit out of it lately.

His wife gave him a slight smile. “Sorry.” She said, softly.

“Are you alright?” Tom asked, gently stroking her cheek with one finger.

B’Elanna closed her eyes briefly. ‘No’, she thought, ‘I’m falling in love with Kathryn Janeway.’ “Yes.” She answered. “It’s just that...” She trailed off, searching for a reasonable explanation. Her eyes fell on the bat’leth hanging on the wall. Something Klingon. Her mother... “It’s my mother’s birthday today. I guess I just miss her, miss home.” It was partly true. It actually was her mother’s birthday today.

Tom nodded in understanding and put his arm around her shoulders, giving her a comforting squeeze.

In his own way he was sweet, B’Elanna thought, suddenly feeling guilty for sitting next to him while thinking of someone else. He deserved better than that. Still, she couldn’t help it. Kathryn Janeway was omnipresent in her mind since she’d been so close to her this afternoon. Well, so close to the holographic representation of her anyway.

B’Elanna sighed softly. It had almost felt real. ‘We could make it much more realistic.’ Her mind taunted. ‘It’s only a matter of programming; piece of cake.’ She bit her lower lip, knowing she really shouldn’t. But as soon as the thought had entered her mind, she knew she had already decided to do it.

She gently pushed Tom’s arm off her shoulder and got up from the couch. “I’m... I’m going down to the Holodeck.” She said in answer of the questioning look he gave her. “I think I need a dose of... home.” It was surprisingly easy to make her lie sound convincing.

Scooting forward, he took her hand. “Do you want me to come with you?”

B’Elanna shook her head slightly. “No. I need to do this alone.” She squeezed his hand. “Thanks anyway.”

“If you need me... I’m here.” He said, looking at her with a mixture of love and concern.

‘It’s not you I need.’ B’Elanna thought. “I know. Thanks.” She said and ruffled Tom’s hair before exiting their quarters.

~

Both Holodecks were occupied, so B’Elanna decided to go to the Hololab instead. It was much smaller than a Holodeck and usually not used for personal or recreational activities, but being the Chief engineer came with a few privileges. She could easily log the time as ‘work-related’. Besides, out here, no one would bother her, certainly not this late in the evening.

“Computer, activate program B’Elanna-home1.” B’Elanna ordered. Around her a facsimile of the colony on Kessik IV appeared. It showed her favorite place in the woods when she’d been a little girl. But B’Elanna paid little attention to it. She had only loaded the program in case Tom decided to check up on her. Her surroundings were of little consequence to what she had planned anyway.

“Computer,” B’Elanna ordered, “create a holographic representation of Captain Kathryn Janeway.”

Right in front of her, a perfect duplicate of Janeway in uniform appeared, standing immobile.

“Now download her personality profile, with the following modifications.” B’Elanna slightly adapted the hologram’s interaction-subroutines so that it would react to B’Elanna’s actions rather than initiate interaction by itself.

“Apply changes.” She ordered finally.

Suddenly, the hologram’s eyes focused on her and it smiled.

“B’Elanna...” The Kathryn-duplicate whispered.

~ ~ ~

Kathryn pressed the door chime to Tom’s and B’Elanna’s quarters, not quite sure what she was going to say. Friendships usually formed naturally, not like this, she thought suddenly. But she didn’t have time to think about it more because the doors opened and Tom greeted her with a surprised look on his face.

“Captain! Good evening.” He said, wondering what he’d done wrong, for her to come down personally at this hour.

“Hello Tom.” Kathryn nodded friendly. “Is B’Elanna here?”

“Eh, no.” Tom replied, still not sure if she was there to reprimand him about something or not. “You just missed her. She went to the Holodeck.”

“I see.” Kathryn smiled. “Sorry to bother you.” She turned around and headed for the nearest turbolift as Tom went back inside, frowning slightly before shrugging it off and redirecting his attention to the movie he’d been watching.

“Holodeck.” Kathryn ordered as she stepped inside the turbolift.

A short moment later, the lift stopped and she exited, heading towards the entrance of Holodeck 1. The panel next to the door showed that a velocity-match was currently being played between ensign Murphy and crewman Anders.

Maybe B’Elanna was on Holodeck 2, Kathryn thought as she headed further down the corridor. The display indicated that the popular program ‘Chez Sandrine’ was running with an open door policy. Figuring B’Elanna would be in there, Kathryn entered.

The murmur of voices went quiet for a moment as the Captain came in, but then hesitantly swelled again to its previous level. The bar was mostly filled with junior officers and crewmen. Kathryn looked around but didn’t spot the familiar half-Klingon figure.

She approached the nearest table and tried to ignore the looks of apprehension appearing on the faces of the two ensigns who were playing a game of chess.

“Captain.” One of them greeted her politely.

“Ensign Saunders, Ensign Lee.” Kathryn addressed them friendly. “Has either of you seen Lieutenant Torres?”

“No Ma’am.” Ensign Lee responded. “She hasn’t been here tonight.”

Kathryn tilted her head to the side. “Ah, my mistake.” She smiled. “Well, enjoy your evening.”

“Thank you Captain. You too.” Ensign Saunders replied as Kathryn walked away, out of the bar.

Back outside in the corridor, Kathryn frowned. “Computer, locate B’Elanna Torres.”

“B’Elanna Torres is in the Hololab.” The computer replied promptly.

That made sense, Kathryn thought to herself as she headed even further down the hallway. She’d probably misheard Tom when he’d said ‘Holodeck’. Most likely, B’Elanna was working on some kind of project in the Hololab.

She rounded the corner and walked towards the door of the Hololab. It opened automatically as she approached. Kathryn stepped inside, noticed her surroundings and vaguely wondered why this sort of program would be running while B’Elanna was working.

Kathryn seemed to be standing in a forest of sorts. A few meters in front of her, there appeared to be some kind of clearing. She stepped closer to it, through the trees, in search of her Chief Engineer.

As she neared the edge of the clearing she could make out B’Elanna’s uniform as well as someone else’s.

Kathryn took another step forward, opening her mouth to greet them, but as soon as she saw who B’Elanna was with, she stopped abruptly, the sound dying before it even reached her lips.

Hidden by the shadows of the trees Kathryn stood deadly still, her mouth slightly hanging open in astonishment. Before her stood B’Elanna in a very tight embrace with no one other than a copy of Kathryn herself.

Kathryn’s mind was racing. Her first instinct was to step forward and demand an explanation, but at the same time she was mesmerized by the tableau in front of her. There was something she couldn’t quite put her finger on, something that made her want to stay put and see what happened next.

By then, the embrace had loosened somewhat and the other version of herself was standing intimately close to B’Elanna, their bodies almost touching as they were staring into each other’s eyes. For a moment they stood immobile but then B’Elanna slowly lifted her hand and gently, ever so softly, ran her fingers through the holographic Janeway’s hair.

In the woods Kathryn watched wide-eyed at the obvious display of affection before her. Part of her wanted to end this right now and another part wanted to run away and pretend she’d never seen it, but her feet were seemingly glued to the ground. Kathryn could do nothing but stay and watch.

The hologram smiled and tilted her head slightly to the side so that B’Elanna’s fingers made contact with her skin. B’Elanna tenderly touched her cheek and let her fingers trail along her jawbone, tilting the hologram’s head upwards when the fingers reached her chin. B’Elanna slowly brushed over the holographic lips with the pad of her thumb as she whispered. “You’re so beautiful.”

Kathryn heard B’Elanna murmur something, but couldn’t make out what she said. Her eyes widened even more as she saw B’Elanna’s hand snake to the back of the hologram’s head, tugging her a little closer. They both tilted their heads to the right, inching closer all the while.

Kathryn felt her own heart rate accelerate in anticipation of the kiss. She watched intently, drinking in every subtle movement. The tension inside her increased as she tried to brace for the moment when B’Elanna’s lips would actually touch those of the holographic Kathryn. Closer, and closer still...

~

B’Elanna’s mind was racing, her blood pumping in her veins, her breathing short and labored. This was so good, so right and still so wrong. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t Kathryn. Sure, it looked like her, felt like her as far as B’Elanna knew, and it even smelled like her, but it WASN’T her. This was a hologram. She was about to kiss a hologram. No, she couldn’t.

Her lips only a hair’s breadth from the hologram’s, B’Elanna suddenly pulled away, still breathing heavily. She buried her face in her hands, thinking she had to get out before she did something she would regret later. “Computer,” she ordered, her voice trembling with emotion, “end program.”

The holographic facsimile around her vanished, accompanied by the usual sizzling sound, but B’Elanna paid no attention to it. She half turned around, heading for the door and spotted Kathryn Janeway standing in front of her.

“Computer...” B’Elanna frowned, thinking that there was some sort of malfunction. “End all holographic activity.”

In its disembodied voice the computer answered. “All holographic activity has already been discontinued.”

B’Elanna opened her mouth to inform the computer about the error when the horrifying truth slowly sank in. This wasn’t a holographic representation of Kathryn Janeway, this WAS Kathryn Janeway.

B’Elanna’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open as she realized the implications of this little fact. She brought forth an incoherent sound, something between a cry of astonishment and a groan of despair.

For a beat the two women just stood there, staring at each other in disbelief, incapable of even beginning to understand what had just transpired, much less face the consequences. Then they both looked away.

Kathryn slowly let out the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding and spoke softly, forming her words with care. “I think we need to talk.”

B’Elanna continued to stare at the ground without really seeing it. Instead she was seeing her life flash before her eyes. Janeway was going to kill her. And then probably revive her only so she could kill her again. B’Elanna closed her eyes and swallowed hard. What had she been thinking?

~

Despite the obvious tension in the room, Kathryn found herself becoming rather calm. She was extremely confused about what she’d just witnessed, but as the spell of seeing herself in an intimate position with her Chief engineer was dissipating, her sense of reality returned.

She looked at B’Elanna standing before her, head down, shoulders sagging; her whole posture radiating a sense of defeat and humiliation.

“B’Elanna...” Kathryn offered, as the other woman had not responded to her previous words. “Look at me. Please.” She said in a soft but commanding tone.

B’Elanna sighed deeply and then slowly raised her head, with some effort fixing her eyes on her Captain, her expression guarded, although the embarrassment she felt was clearly visible.

Kathryn simply looked at her, her demeanor open and friendly. “Talk to me.” She spoke softly, almost making it sound like a question.

“What’s there to talk about Captain?” B’Elanna replied tersely. She couldn’t stand looking into the inviting blue eyes any longer so she shifted her gaze to a point on the wall directly behind Janeway. “I unlawfully used the ship’s equipment for personal activities and I created a holographic representation of a superior officer without authorization. Those are pretty serious offenses and I fully expect to be punished for them.”

Kathryn pursed her lips, nodding slowly, realizing it wouldn’t be easy to get B’Elanna to talk about what happened. “I’m sure the Captain agrees with that assessment.” She spoke pensively, then cocked her head to the side. “But that’s not what I was getting at.”

B’Elanna just continued to stare at the fixed point on the wall, wishing the floor would just magically open up underneath her feet and swallow her.

“I would like to understand what just happened here.” Kathryn continued, trying to capture B’Elanna’s gaze, hoping to get through to the younger woman. “Why me? Why this?” She gestured at the now empty hologrid. “What about Tom?” She added after a beat.

B’Elanna realized it was pointless. Janeway wasn’t about to let this go. With an explosive sigh she turned around and stalked toward the wall opposite of the one she’d just been staring at. She forced herself to breathe in and out deeply a few times and clenched and unclenched her fists to release some of the tension she felt.

Then she turned around and faced the older woman, from a safer distance this time. “Tom doesn’t know.” She stated flatly, not knowing where else to begin.

“I gathered that.” Kathryn replied. “If he knew, he wouldn’t have told me you were here.”

B’Elanna looked at her, not understanding.

“I went to your quarters, looking for you.” Kathryn clarified. “You weren’t there, obviously. Tom told me you were on the Holodeck.”

“Why were you looking for me?” B’Elanna asked, grateful for the chance to steer the conversation in ANY other direction than the one it had taken so far.

Kathryn thought for a moment how to word it. Maybe if she opened up to B’Elanna, the younger woman would open up to her in return. “I wanted to ask you something.” She started. “For some time now, I’ve had the feeling that in other circumstances you and I might have been good friends. But here, on Voyager, I felt like my being Captain stood in the way of that. Which I thought was a pity because out here good friends aren’t exactly a commodity.”

Kathryn paused for a second. “I was going to ask you what you thought of you and me becoming closer friends.” She raised her eyebrows. “I guess I already have my answer to that question.” The image of the near-kiss appeared before Kathryn’s eyes again. She frowned, remembering her confusion. “So that’s one down and about a dozen to go.”

B’Elanna put her hands over her face as she realized that this had only been a temporarily delay. She slid down against the wall until she was sitting down on the floor, her face still covered in her hands.

After a beat she felt movement to her right as Kathryn sat down next to her, leaving a small space between them. She rested her arms on her pulled up knees and stared pensively at the other side of the room.

A few minutes passed in silence. Neither of them knew how to begin.

Finally, Kathryn spoke softly, still looking straight ahead in an attempt not to put B’Elanna on the spot any more than she already was doing. “Are you in love with me?”

B’Elanna bit her lip and closed her eyes. “I think I am, yes.” She answered shakily. There was no sense in denying it.

Kathryn nodded slowly, trying to let the confession sink in. “And Tom?” She asked, trying to understand.

B’Elanna shook her head. “Not... Not like this.” She answered, wondering why she seemed incapable of forming a whole sentence. “It’s just... It’s... I just...” She faltered as she noticed Kathryn had turned to look at her.

B’Elanna held her gaze for a second and then turned away, closing her eyes again. With those intense blue eyes staring at her so vulnerably, the only thing she could do was offer her deepest feelings. “I never knew I could feel this way about someone.” She whispered.

To say Kathryn felt overwhelmed would have been an understatement. She continued to stare at B’Elanna for a moment, and then looked away; trying to digest everything she had seen and heard that evening.

B’Elanna risked a look in her direction, noticing the confusion etched on the other woman’s face. She wasn’t so presumptuous as to hope that Kathryn would ever love her back. Still, now that the words had been spoken, it was so final. It felt liberating and painful at the same time. She hoped that Kathryn would be flattered, if nothing else.

All the while, Kathryn tried to grasp it, tried to understand this new information. B’Elanna had feelings for her. Real and deep feelings. The woman Kathryn considered to be a friend, the woman she wanted to be closer friends with, was in love with her. It wasn’t sinking in. The concept was simply too foreign for her brain to understand.

Kathryn wasn’t ready to respond to these unexpected declarations of love just now. She needed time to figure out what she thought about it, how she felt about it. Sensing B’Elanna’s questioning look, she decided to steer the conversation in another direction.

“Why did you create the hologram?” She asked, not for the first time wondering what had driven B’Elanna to do this.

Staring at her hands in her lap, B’Elanna flatly answered the question.

“I was helping the Doctor with a problem he’d encountered with his holographic imaging technique. I came here to make the modifications on the hologram of myself and then without thinking I pulled up yours.” She paused to swallow.

“I was only looking.” She added defensively, wanting the other woman to know that she hadn’t touched her duplicate.

“And then, this evening I started wondering what it would be like to have you looking at me... Really looking at me... So I came back here. I’m sorry.”

“Was it how you thought it would be?” Kathryn asked without thinking.

“It wasn’t you.” B’Elanna simply whispered.

Kathryn nodded slowly. “Right.” No more asking questions when she didn’t know how to handle the answer, she told herself.

They were quiet for a moment, while Kathryn gathered her thoughts.

“How long has this been going on?” She finally asked. “I’m quite sure you haven’t always felt this way about me.” She added, remembering the old days of distrust. “What changed?”

B’Elanna shrugged lightly. “I don’t know what changed.” She spoke softly. “Somehow you got under my skin.” Suddenly it felt important to B’Elanna that Kathryn knew how much she appreciated her as a person. She turned her head and looked the woman sitting next to her in the eyes.

“I gradually started seeing you in a different light.” She continued pensively. “Not so much as ‘The Captain’, but more like the person behind all that. And I was intrigued by what I saw.”

Kathryn felt herself holding her breath. “What did you see?” She whispered softly, not sure if she wanted to hear it. The idea that someone could really see her was exhilarating and frightening at the same time.

For the first time since this whole conversation had started, B’Elanna felt herself relax marginally. She gave Kathryn a warm smile and shifted her body so that she was facing the other woman, leaning against the wall with her shoulder.

“I see how much of yourself you sacrifice to be this crew’s Captain.” She started. “I see how you want to reach out to the people around you and how you won’t let yourself because of the command structure. I see you wonder whether people laugh at your jokes because you’re the Captain or because what you said was actually funny. I see the wistful look in your eyes when you see two people walking hand in hand during off-hours.” B’Elanna offered the first things that came to mind.

“And every time I see how you try to tell yourself that there is no other way; that you’re the Captain and that’s just how it is.” She paused and stared intently into Kathryn’s eyes. “I realized I don’t want it to be like that for you. I don’t want to see the woman that you are wither away because you happen to be the Captain of this ship. You’re too special for that and I’d do anything to prevent it.” B’Elanna swallowed, finding the next words difficult to say, however true they were. “Even if it’s just as your friend...”

Kathryn just stared back at B’Elanna, not knowing what to react to first. She absently noted that she didn’t feel like ‘the Captain’ at all right now. She felt more like the woman she’d been a long time ago, before Starfleet had become the center of her life.

Reaching out, Kathryn put her hand on top of B’Elanna’s and gently squeezed it. “Thank you.” She said heartfelt. “I would really like your friendship, B’Elanna. And you’ll have mine; that I promise you.” She held the other woman’s gaze for a moment before looking down at their joined hands and exhaling slowly. “I realize you would like more than that...” She started. “But... I’m going to need some time to find out what it is I’m feeling for you.” Kathryn paused for a second as a lopsided grin appeared on her face. “You got me a little confused, you see?” She smiled.

B’Elanna bit her lip. “Sorry.” She offered, slightly embarrassed.

“Don’t be.” Kathryn replied gently. “If anything, I’m glad I found out. Even if it was in a somewhat unconventional way...” She added, causing B’Elanna to blush lightly.

“Just give me some time to process everything I’ve seen and heard this evening.” Kathryn continued.

B’Elanna nodded slowly. “Okay...”

“I can’t promise anything, B’Elanna.” Kathryn stated, not wanting to lead the other woman on at this point.

“I know.” B’Elanna replied quickly.

“Good.” Kathryn exhaled. “Now...” She continued as she heaved herself off the floor to stand up. “I think we’ve both had enough to deal with for one night. I know I have.” She stated lightly.

B’Elanna got up from the floor as well. “Yeah.” She grinned sheepishly in response.

Much to B’Elanna’s surprise, Janeway suddenly stepped in closer and hugged her warmly. A little hesitantly, B’Elanna put her arms around Kathryn’s back and leaned in, her mind inadvertently flashing back to earlier, when she’d hugged the holographic version of this woman in much the same way.

After a while, Kathryn released her and stepped back, smiling. “Goodnight B’Elanna.” She murmured softly, holding the younger woman’s gaze for a second, before heading for the door.

“Goodnight... Kathryn.” B’Elanna responded in a low voice, her mind reeling.

At the mentioning of her name, Kathryn cast a quick smile over her shoulder, before exiting the Hololab.

As the doors slid shut behind her, B’Elanna violently exhaled, all the tension of the evening suddenly crashing down on her.

~ ~ ~

B’Elanna tiptoed into her quarters, careful not to wake Tom. She’d wandered through Voyager’s corridors for a while; too wound up to go home, but eventually fatigue had driven her to bed.

Making her way into the dimly lit bathroom, she slowly took off her uniform and changed into her pajamas. B’Elanna caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and stepped closer to it, surprised to find she still looked the same. Somehow she’d expected to see a whole new woman. She certainly felt like one.

On second glance however, some minor changes were visible. The hint of a grin that played around the corners of her mouth, a faint blush on her cheeks and a spark in her eyes made her appear... lighter than before, the half-Klingon surmised.

B’Elanna broke into a full grin and then bit her bottom lip in nervous excitement as she recalled bits and pieces of her encounter with Kathryn. Could it really be? She wondered.

Somehow she had never allowed herself to think beyond the fact that she had feelings for her Captain, had never even dared to entertain the possibility that those feelings could be returned. Briefly closing her eyes, B’Elanna shook her head. She shouldn’t get ahead of things. Just because Kathryn hadn’t run screaming for the nearest exit, didn’t mean she was ready or willing or even capable of declaring her undying love for B’Elanna. She’d have to wait and see what the future would bring.

Stifling a yawn, B’Elanna glanced at the nearest chronometer and figured that if she wanted to catch a decent amount of sleep before her shift in the morning, she’d better get to it. She ordered the lights off in the bathroom and silently made her way to the bedroom. Standing next to the bed, B’Elanna eyed her sleeping husband and sighed softly. She cared deeply for Tom and cringed at the thought of hurting him. Hopefully one day he’d be able to forgive her for all the pain she was going to cause him, for not loving him the way he deserved to be loved.

No matter what would happen between her and Kathryn, B’Elanna knew she couldn’t stay with him. It wouldn’t be fair on either of them. That knowledge, however, wouldn’t exactly make the coming breakup any easier.

“I’m so sorry Tom.” B’Elanna whispered barely audible, looking at her husband’s sleeping face illuminated by starlight only. She’d have to talk to him soon. With another soft sigh, B’Elanna carefully slid between the sheets and closed her eyes.

~ ~ ~

Morning found Kathryn Janeway sleepily stretching her body while yawning wide. For the first time in what felt like ages she’d slept like a baby. Turning on her side, she grabbed a nearby pillow and nuzzled her face in it, savoring the joys of slumber.

There was something nagging at her brain, demanding attention, she could feel it, but it would simply have to wait until she was really awake. It wasn’t often she was able to sleep in and Kathryn was determined to enjoy every minute of her wonderful, worry-free, warm and cozy snooze time.

As she hugged the pillow closer, images of her dream came back to her. She’d been in a forest, looking for something. Through the trees she’d seen a familiar figure, so she’d gone towards it, and had it turned out to be B’Elanna who was about to kiss someone who looked just like her... Kathryn’s eyes flew open and within nanoseconds she was fully awake. All that hadn’t been a dream. It had actually happened the evening before in the Hololab.

Kathryn held her breath as the whole scene replayed in her mind: the near-kiss with the hologram, the look in B’Elanna’s eyes when she’d realized Kathryn had seen everything, B’Elanna’s soft-spoken admission of her feelings and, last but not least, the feelings that had bubbled up inside Kathryn herself.

As she let out her breath slowly, Kathryn stared at the ceiling without seeing it. Instead fragments of images and scenarios played before her mind’s eye, starring herself and B’Elanna. The idea didn’t repulse her; it was just very new and foreign. Kathryn knew she’d need some time with it, to let it marinate a little, before she could decide anything. And in the mean time, she’d just take things as they presented themselves.

Satisfied with that resolution, Kathryn stretched luxuriously and thought about how she would spend her morning off. A nice long soak in her bathtub sounded like a heavenly idea, she decided.

~ ~ ~

While quickly gulping down the last bit of her lukewarm coffee, B’Elanna put on her uniform jacket. She gathered the breakfast dishes and brought them to the replicator to have them recycled and walked over to the sitting area to get the bowl of popcorn Tom had left there the evening before.

“You still want some of this?” She asked Tom, showing him the half-empty bowl.

Tom shook his head. “No thanks.” He eyed his wife suspiciously as she scurried around the room, wondering if she was doing what he thought she was doing: keeping busy in order to avoid having to talk to him. After all, it wasn’t like B’Elanna to be so active in the morning, especially not when it involved cleaning up.

“How did it go last night?” He asked, noticing the slight tremor that went through B’Elanna at the question. She seemed a little shaken, Tom mused. Apparently she was missing home more than he thought. He gently grabbed her hand and spun her around to face him. “Did it help?” He asked softly. “Being in familiar surroundings, I mean?”

B’Elanna looked up to him and felt her stomach clench in guilt. She hated lying to him. He deserved so much better. But this wasn’t the time for the truth. Not yet. She swallowed hard. “A little.” She whispered, and then forced a slight smile. “I’ll be okay.” She added. “Just... Give me some time.”

“Okay.” Tom replied and leaned forward to place a kiss on her forehead. “Let me know if I can help.”

B’Elanna willed herself to hold his gaze for a moment and managed to offer him a weak smile. “I have to go, I’ll be late.” She said and turned around, heading for the door, praying that she’d find the courage to be honest with him soon.

~ ~ ~

A well-rested, well-fed and sharp looking Captain Kathryn Janeway stepped on the Bridge, ready to take over command from her First Officer. The latter smiled warmly at her as she sat down in her chair next to him. “Enjoyed you soak?” He grinned, knowing his Captain’s fondness for hot baths when she had the time for it.

“Sure did.” Kathryn replied lightly, checking the command console on her left. “Anything interesting going on?”

“We passed a quasar with an unusually high energy output. Seven’s currently analyzing all the data we collected.” Chakotay informed her. “I also took the liberty of working out a solution for the cooking problems we’ve been having. Six crewmen and two ensigns have volunteered to take a couple of shifts in the Mess Hall, so I suggested a rotation schedule. With your permission of course.” He added, knowing very well that Janeway was only too happy to leave the matter entirely in his hands. “And I believe B’Elanna is ready to test the modifications she and Harry have been making to the power grid.”

Kathryn tried to hide a smile at the mention of B’Elanna’s name, and succeeded mostly. “Well, I guess I’ll go down to Engineering and see if I can lend a hand.” She stated cheerfully, standing up from her chair. “You don’t mind watching the store for me for another couple of hours, do you?”

Chakotay flashed his dimples at her. “Not at all, Captain. Enjoy getting your hands dirty.”

“Oh I will.” Kathryn assured him with a smile, heading for the turbolift.

“Deck eleven, Engineering.” She ordered briskly as she stepped in.

The turbolift took her down and dropped her off near the main entrance of Engineering. Kathryn crossed the short distance, looking forward to spend time with B’Elanna, even if it was in their professional capacities. She was eager to know how it felt to act as the Captain, with the knowledge that B’Elanna could see much more than that. And at the same time she was curious to see B’Elanna’s reaction to her presence.

The doors to Engineering slid open as Kathryn approached them, to reveal a bustle of activity. She stepped inside, looking for the familiar half-Klingon figure, but couldn’t spot her immediately.

“Ensign, have you seen Lieutenant Torres?” She asked Vorrik, who was working on a nearby console.

“I think she’s on the upper level, Captain.” He answered politely, before resuming his duties.

“Thank you.” Kathryn smiled at the young Vulcan and walked to the little lift that would bring her up one level. As the lift did its job, she could already hear the commanding tones of her Chief Engineer issuing orders, and she smiled, remembering the much shyer demeanor B’Elanna had displayed the evening before.

On the upper level, B’Elanna was now staring intently at the readouts that were being displayed on the console in front of her. Susan Nicoletti approached to report her findings and as B’Elanna looked up; her gaze fell on Kathryn who was also making her way over.

Their eyes met for a moment and B’Elanna’s expression softened noticeably before she turned her attention back to Nicoletti who was talking to her.

“Okay Susan, I’d like you to keep an eye on that.” B’Elanna told the woman after she’d finished. “Get down to the control panel at junction forty-seven and disconnect all the secondary systems from the main power grid. Make sure that every primary system can switch to back-up at any time, without causing an overload.”

Nicoletti nodded briskly. “I’m on it Lieutenant.”

B’Elanna turned to Kathryn, deliberately keeping her tone professional. She didn’t want to put the other woman in an awkward position by being too personal while they were on duty. “Captain.” She greeted her, friendly but reserved, directing her superior officer to the console where Harry Kim was working.

“We’ve nearly finished creating a secure system for testing the power grid modifications.” B’Elanna began, trying not to stare at Janeway too much. The fact that Kathryn was smiling warmly at her didn’t exactly help.

Harry thankfully continued the progress report. “Once the continuous power supply to all primary systems has been guaranteed, we can begin the tests.” He stated; looking very excited about the whole thing.

“Nicoletti to Torres,” came a voice over the comm. “Everything is ready down here. Secondary systems are disconnected; primary systems can be safely switched to back-up in case we run into problems.”

“Acknowledged.” B’Elanna responded. “We’re running the final system diagnostic. Keep monitoring the back-up circuit Susan.”

Harry got up from his chair. “I’ll be coordinating the test from the Bridge.”

B’Elanna nodded. “Alright. We’ll start when this diagnostic is complete, so you have a few minutes.” She told Harry, who was already leaving.

With Harry now gone and everyone else working on their own specific assignments, B’Elanna realized she had the Captain all to herself. And all of a sudden she felt like a sixteen-year-old schoolgirl with a crush on the teacher.

Kathryn watched the change in B’Elanna’s demeanor with an amused smile and wondered if the half-Klingon had any idea how expressive her face was. “Everything alright?” She asked gently.

“Uh, yeah.” B’Elanna responded, thinking the Captain wanted to get the test underway as soon as possible. “We’re almost ready to start the test.”

Kathryn chuckled lightly. “Actually I wanted to know if you were alright.” She said softly, looking around quickly to see if anyone was paying attention to them. She briefly put her hand on B’Elanna’s. “You seem a little... tense.”

B’Elanna looked at her, her expression unguarded for a second, and then gave Kathryn a lopsided grin. “Sorry.” She said. “I just didn’t want to pressure you.”

Kathryn cocked her head. “That’s okay.” She reassured the other woman. “Pressure sort of comes with this uniform.”

B’Elanna smiled slightly in response, but didn’t seem totally convinced. Kathryn stepped a little closer and put her hand on B’Elanna’s upper arm. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure this out.” She stated gently, capturing the other woman’s gaze. “All of it.”

Whatever insecurities B’Elanna had felt, quickly disappeared by the sudden intensity she saw in Kathryn’s eyes. She broke into a full grin and opened her mouth to speak, when the console beeped to indicate the system’s check had been completed successfully.

She shot Kathryn an apologetic look. “Duty calls.”

As she half turned around to take a better look at the test data, B’Elanna was pleased to find that Kathryn stayed close to her. Over her shoulder she shot Kathryn another grin and her stomach did a somersault as Kathryn answered with a wink.

Turning back to her console, B’Elanna briefly shook her head to clear it and focused on the data that was being displayed in front of her.

“Torres to all hands. We’re about to test the new modifications to the power grid. Stand clear from unsealed panels to EPS-conduits. There may be a power surge.” B’Elanna ordered, knowing that the crew was well aware of the possible danger.

She brought up the diagnostic screen of the modifications. “Activating first set of modifications on my mark... Mark.”

Behind her the light of the Warp Core became more intense for a second and then just dimmed to its normal level. No damages were reported in.

“So far, so good.” Kathryn muttered under her breath, looking over B’Elanna’s shoulder at the readouts on the console.

“Ready for the second set of modifications, on my mark.” B’Elanna continued, extremely focused on the job. “Mark.”

There was another surge in the Warp Core, but this time after it died down, one of the main EPS-manifolds in the wall exploded. Luckily no one was standing nearby.

“Damn it!” B’Elanna cursed as she aborted the test. She’d been sure it would work.

The crew was already expertly extinguishing the resulting fire, as Kathryn informed her of the damage reports that were coming in. “Two relays ruptured at Decks Nine and Fifteen. Both situations are under control. No injuries.” She stated. “We also dropped out of warp.”

“That’s a safety precaution to avoid damage to the nacelles.” B’Elanna explained as her mind already went over the possible things that could’ve gone wrong. “We’ll most likely be able to get going again within the hour.”

“Good.” Kathryn replied. “I don’t like us to be sitting ducks.” She tapped the console as more reports came in. “Nicoletti reports that the back-up system performed as expected. There’s no damage to any of the primary systems.” She told B’Elanna, knowing how this had been a delicate part of the test. “Good job.”

“At least that went as expected.” B’Elanna grumbled as she made her way to the lift with Kathryn following her.

As soon as she got on ground level of Main Engineering, B’Elanna started giving orders. “Vorrik, get down to the nacelles and check for possible damage. If there is none, reinitialize them. We need to get Warp Drive back online.” She instructed, pleased to see him respond immediately.

She tapped her combadge. “Harry, run diagnostics to see if anything out of the ordinary happened during the test that could explain this malfunction.”

“I’m on it.” Harry responded over the comm.

“Jenkins and Anders,” B’Elanna continued, “assist the repair teams with replacing those relays. If you can’t yank them out, just bypass them. Don’t try cutting them out, it’s too dangerous.”

She turned to Kathryn. “What do you say about us replacing that manifold over here?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Kathryn replied with a grin and turned around to get a toolkit.

B’Elanna’s face bore a surprised look for a second. Then she shook her head and started laughing.

~ ~ ~

With a long sigh, Kathryn leaned back against the sofa and put her feet up on the coffee table, watching B’Elanna do the same next to her. “Oh that feels good.” She groaned. “I’d forgotten how it felt to crawl into tight spaces and crouch for hours on end.”

B’Elanna chuckled lightly. “It’s a great way to stay in shape.”

“Well, obviously, I need to get into shape first.” Kathryn moaned as she massaged a particularly painful spot on her left leg. “I hurt in places I didn’t even know I had.”

While stifling a yawn, B’Elanna smiled. “I’m not even going to ask what places you’re talking about.” With some effort she sat up. “I need something to drink. You want anything?”

“You’re a lifesaver.” Kathryn replied. “Right now I’d give an arm and a leg for a glass of water.”

B’Elanna shook her head. “Considering your leg is all cramped up, you can keep it.” She answered with a grin. Getting up from the couch, she walked across the Mess Hall to the replicator, getting two glasses of water. Usually after a day like this, B’Elanna wasn’t shy around a bottle of whiskey, but at the moment it seemed like a better idea to keep a clear head.

It had been quite a day. After she and Kathryn had managed to remove the debris of the exploded manifold, they’d discovered that most of the conduits surrounding the area had been damaged as well. Fixing and replacing them had been a long and tedious chore that had taken up most of the afternoon and evening and even a part of the night. Now, in the wee hours of the morning, both of them were sitting in the otherwise empty Mess Hall because they were still too hopped up to go to bed. And apart from that, neither of them was willing to put an end to the easy camaraderie with a hint of flirtation that had accompanied them throughout the day.

Handing Kathryn one of the glasses, B’Elanna sat back down with her own and took a sip. “Thanks for helping me today.” She said conversationally. “It would have taken me a lot longer without you.”

“I’m happy to help.” Kathryn responded, leaning back with her eyes closed. “I don’t often have the chance to get my hands dirty.”

B’Elanna allowed herself a stolen glance in Kathryn’s direction, exploiting the fact that the other woman had her eyes closed. “Well, you’re always welcome in my Engine Room.”

Kathryn pursed her lips ever so briefly in amusement before replying. “Careful Lieutenant, I might take you up on that offer. And something tells me you wouldn’t enjoy a superior officer hanging around all the time, watching your every move.”

“Good point.” B’Elanna grinned and then promptly yawned.

Kathryn turned her head and peeked through one eye. “You should go to bed.” She stated softly.

“Yeah...” B’Elanna said slowly as a frown slid over her face. She made no move to get up whatsoever.

Kathryn opened her eyes fully and studied B’Elanna’s face with mild concern. “Tom?” She asked, correctly voicing one of the main reasons why B’Elanna seemed to be in less than a hurry to go home.

B’Elanna stared at her hands that were toying with the glass of water. “Tom.” She replied flatly.

Kathryn didn’t say anything, not wanting to push the other woman into talking if she didn’t feel like it.

“I’m going to leave him.” B’Elanna stated evenly and then turned her head to look at Kathryn, the pain clearly visible in her eyes.

Kathryn sat up slowly. It didn’t exactly come as a shock to her, but she was still uncertain what to say. “Are you sure?”

B’Elanna nodded. “This has nothing to do with what will or will not happen between you and me.” She clarified. “I just can’t stay married to a man I’m not in love with. I’d rather be alone than that.”

“Have you talked to him about it yet?” Kathryn asked softly.

“No.” B’Elanna shook her head. “But I will soon. I feel like I’m being dishonest and unfaithful to him. He deserves better than that.”

Kathryn nodded slowly. She bit her lower lip, feeling slightly uneasy about it all and wondered how she should broach the subject that needed to be addressed.

Before she could say anything, B’Elanna reached out and put her hand in an appeasing gesture on Kathryn’s thigh. “I’m not trying to push you in a direction here. Don’t worry. This is just something I need to do for myself.”

Kathryn was extremely aware of the hand resting casually on her thigh, but she willed herself to ignore it. Instead she focused on B’Elanna’s eyes and continued their conversation. “Are you saying that, if it wasn’t for me, you’d still divorce Tom?”

B’Elanna sighed. “It might have taken me a little longer to realize that I’m not in love with him,” she began in earnest, “but yes, I would have divorced him in the end.” She paused for a second, and a sad smile appeared. “He’s a good man, he’s a good friend and he would have been a good father if I hadn’t lost the baby...” B’Elanna swallowed, still mourning the loss of that little life, however briefly she’d been pregnant. “But I’m not in love with him. And that’s why I can’t stay with him.” She concluded.

She retracted her hand from Kathryn’s thigh and started toying with her glass of water again, knowing very well she should go home and get some rest, but trying to postpone it as long as she could.

Kathryn, on her part, was having a hard time trying to ignore the tingles B’Elanna’s touch had caused inside her. She wanted the other woman to touch her again, to see if it had the same effect, but didn’t feel quite ready yet to deal with what it might mean. She sighed deeply and concentrated again on B’Elanna’s situation.

“You know I’m here to help, so if there’s anything I can do...” Kathryn offered sincerely after a beat.

B’Elanna smiled slightly as she turned her head and looked at Kathryn again. “You could tell me to go home and get some sleep.” She said warily. “I need it.”

Kathryn reached out and tenderly cupped B’Elanna’s face with her right hand. “Go home. Get some sleep.” She whispered warmly.

“I think I will.” B’Elanna murmured. Turning her head slightly, she placed a feathery kiss on Kathryn’s palm, and then took the other woman’s hand in her own. “Thank you...” She said heartfelt, looking into Kathryn’s eyes. Before she could drown in them, B’Elanna got up from the couch. “Goodnight.” She offered with a small smile, then turned around and headed for the Mess Hall doors.

Kathryn watched her go, wondering why she felt the urge to call out the other woman’s name and make her come back. Her palm still tingled in memory of B’Elanna’s soft lips. Kathryn sighed deeply. “Goodnight B’Elanna...” She finally whispered, long after the doors had closed behind the half-Klingon.

~

Kathryn stood in front of her bathroom mirror as she zipped open her uniform jacket and let it slide off her shoulders. Her turtleneck top and pants followed soon after. The uniform sported various stains and was slightly torn from working in Engineering, so after removing her combadge and pips, Kathryn put everything into the recycler.

Standing in a standard issue bra and panties, she looked at her reflection. Not bad for a woman her age, Kathryn mused. Her body was soft and curvy in the right places, though the underlying muscle tone was still visible.

Suddenly she found herself wondering what B’Elanna looked like. She’d probably be more wiry, Kathryn thought, her muscle tone more defined, but still looking very feminine. And her skin would be soft, like satin, and more tan compared to Kathryn’s fair complexion.

What would she feel like? Kathryn allowed herself to wonder as she closed her eyes. How would it feel to run her fingers through B’Elanna’s silky hair? To hold that lithe body in her arms? To look deeply into her dark brown eyes? To kiss her perfectly shaped lips?

Kathryn stood perfectly still as her mind provided her with the sensations of what it would be like to kiss the other woman. She could almost feel the soft, slightly moist lips, brushing against her own before slowly, tentatively capturing them in a kiss. An almost chaste kiss at first, tentative and a bit hesitant, but steadily growing bolder and more passionate...

Kathryn’s eyes shot open and she breathed in sharply. Her body was responding as if this was the real thing rather than a figment of her own imagination. It excited and scared her at the same time. She bent down slightly over the washbasin and splashed some cold water on her face, but it did little to cool down the heated blood flowing through her veins. Looking up in the mirror, Kathryn noticed how her eyes seemed much darker than usual. She stared at her reflection, wondering what to make of her body’s powerful response to the thought of kissing B’Elanna.

Kathryn knew she liked the other woman, admired her even, and loved her as a friend. But did this mean she could be in love with her as well? Or was it just a case of raging hormones that went ballistic at the thought of being with someone –anyone- after years of enforced solitude and celibacy?

What if she was just considering this because she was tired of being alone? At that thought Kathryn suddenly shivered and she looked up into the eyes of her mirror image, hoping to find the answer there. “Is that what I’m doing?” She whispered, afraid the answer might be yes.

Although she hated to admit it, Kathryn knew it was at least a possibility. Loneliness had been her sole, constant companion for quite a while now and it would be foolish of her to downplay its influence. It was entirely possible that she’d mistaken her feelings of friendship towards B’Elanna for a romantic interest because she really wanted to believe that was it.

On the other hand, Kathryn reasoned, Chakotay had feelings for her as well. And she had never even considered him as a potential partner, not even when they had been stranded on New Earth, for what they thought would be the rest of their lives. So surely there had to be something special about B’Elanna? But did that mean that it was love?

The more Kathryn thought about it, the less sense it all made. With a deep sigh, she grabbed her nightgown and put it on after quickly taking off her underwear. She wouldn’t find the answers standing half-naked in her bathroom in the middle of the night. Ordering the lights off, she went to bed and as she slid between the cool sheets, Kathryn prayed that with morning clarity would come as well.

~ ~ ~

Slowly B’Elanna drifted to consciousness and opened one eye to take a peek at the chronometer. She smiled drowsily as she realized she had the morning off and snuggled deeper under the covers. Tom’s side of the bed was unoccupied and the clatter of dishes in the other room seemed to indicate that he was already up, having breakfast.

B’Elanna knew he also had the morning off. Every other week they had one morning off together; a privilege of being married. She sighed, remembering the times they had spent in bed together on those mornings. It had been quite a while since they’d done that.

Up until she’d lost the baby, they’d had a fairly regular sex life. Not as wild as in their early days, when they would tear off each others clothes at the drop of a hat so to speak, but it had been quite normal. After her miscarriage however, the frequency and intensity of their lovemaking had diminished considerably.

And now she had decided she would leave Tom, it would be over altogether. B’Elanna knew she wouldn’t really miss it. If by human standards the sex had been lacking passion a little, then by Klingon standards it had positively been devoid of any. But aside from that, B’Elanna knew she’d miss Tom in other ways.

Footsteps in her direction brought her out of her thoughts. She yawned, still tired after her late night, and looked in the direction of the bedroom door when it opened and revealed Tom, carrying a tray that contained breakfast.

“Morning sleepyhead.” He smiled at her and B’Elanna exhaled heavily, making no attempt to move or sit up as he approached the bed and carefully put down the tray. Then he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her hair. “I know you’ve been having a bit of a hard time lately.” He said, moving to sit next to her on the bed. “I thought breakfast in bed might cheer you up a little.”

B’Elanna briefly closed her eyes as she sat up. Why did he have to be so sweet, she thought. It only made the upcoming conversation so much harder.

“Thanks.” She said in a small voice, looking at the food, but making no move to touch it. When she looked up at him, biting her bottom lip, she saw the smile on Tom’s face fade away as he noticed the look in her eyes. “We need to talk...” She said softly.

Judging by B’Elanna’s whole demeanor, Tom could sense it was something serious. He faced his wife and frowned slightly. “What’s wrong?” He asked, concerned.

B’Elanna opened her mouth, but didn’t know where to begin.

“We’ve kind of been drifting apart, these last few months.” She started, after a beat. “Mostly because of me.”

Tom gently grabbed her hand. “I know.” He said slowly. “Losing the baby has been hard for you.”

B’Elanna closed her eyes briefly. “Yes.” She said, and lightly shook her head. “But it’s not about that.”

Tom frowned, but didn’t voice his question, figuring that B’Elanna would explain without prompting.

“I’ve been distant,” she indeed continued, “because I was confused...” B’Elanna exhaled heavily, unable to look Tom in the eye while she was about to say what needed to be said. “A while back, before I even got pregnant, I started realizing that I had feelings for someone... Strong feelings, feelings I’d never felt before. They were quite unexpected and confusing and I didn’t really know what to do with them.”

She risked a glance at Tom. The look on his face told her that he wasn’t too keen on hearing what was undoubtedly coming, but had resigned to listening to what she had to say. B’Elanna looked away again before she lost the courage to be open and honest with him. She absently noted he was still holding her hand, and strangely, she drew comfort from the contact.

“I didn’t do anything with it.” She resumed. “I was having too much of a hard time trying to figure out what it all meant. And then, I found out I was pregnant and I was completely stunned by the idea of becoming a mother. For a while everything else was pushed to the background, including any romantic feelings.” B’Elanna swallowed hard. “But when I lost the baby...”

Trailing off, B’Elanna turned to look at Tom. “I know you tried.” She said. “And I know you were hurting as well, but part of my grief... I couldn’t share it with you Tom.” She saw the hurt in his eyes, because of the memory and because of what she said. B’Elanna looked away again. “And later, as I was coming to terms with that, it dawned on me that there were other things that I couldn’t share with you, that there were parts of me that you didn’t ‘get’. Not because you didn’t want to, but because you just didn’t have the capacity.” She exhaled softly.

Before she could continue, Tom whispered: “And someone else did.”

B’Elanna shook her head. “It’s not what you think.” She started. “I never acted upon my feelings. Never even spoke about them. It was just the thought, the knowledge that there was someone out there who could see and understand parts of me that you couldn’t, someone I was falling in love with, even if it wasn’t going anywhere... It made me question a lot of things.”

B’Elanna bit her lip, forcing herself to make eye-contact with Tom for the next part because she felt like she owed him that much. “I love you Tom. I wouldn’t have married you if that hadn’t been true. But...” She briefly closed her eyes. “In some ways I feel more alone with you than I’ve ever felt in my whole life. And that’s not the way I want to feel in a relationship...”

B’Elanna felt the tears prickle behind her eyes, but managed to keep them at bay, noticing that Tom was going through a similar experience as it hit him that there was nothing he could say or do. He knew she was right. He knew there were sides of her that he couldn’t get in touch with. In his own way he’d tried, but parts of B’Elanna had been a mystery to him from day one.

“So... I guess that’s it then.” He said with an unsteady voice, starting to lose the battle with his tears.

B’Elanna swallowed. “I just can’t keep doing it. I’m sorry...” She said, finding a single teardrop sliding down her cheek. “I’m so sorry...”

“Yeah...” Tom whispered, his face now wet with tears. “Me too.”

He let go of B’Elanna’s hand and pulled her into his arms. The gesture broke the last of B’Elanna’s resolve to fight the tears and she clung to him, immensely grateful for the fact that he seemed to at least understand.

After a minute he let go of her and got up from the bed, as B’Elanna looked at him, snuffling occasionally. “I think I need to be alone for a while.” Tom stated as he started walking out of the bedroom.

In the doorway he stopped and turned around. “Who is it?” He asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know.

B’Elanna frowned a little, not immediately catching what he meant.

“The someone else you fell in love with...” Tom clarified. “Who is it?” He asked softly.

B’Elanna briefly debated whether or not it was a good idea to tell him, but then she felt like she owed him that. “The Captain...” She stated flatly.

“The Captain...” Tom repeated dejectedly and then turned around, walking away.

B’Elanna watched his back and heard the pneumatic hiss of the door opening and closing, leaving her alone in their quarters. She stared at the forgotten breakfast tray still sitting on the bed, got up as she took it and went to recycle it. As it disappeared from view, she violently breathed out and kicked the wall panel underneath the replicator with all her might.

~ ~ ~

“Morning gentlemen.” Kathryn Janeway greeted the -as it so happened- all male staff on the Bridge cheerfully. She wasn’t exactly feeling cheerful, but hoped that if she pretended to be, her mind might get the idea and actually go along with it. Kathryn was in fact quite tired. After working late in Engineering with B’Elanna, she’d sat in the Mess Hall much longer than she’d intended, and when she’d finally gotten to bed, sleep had been eluding her.

The situation, for lack of a more appropriate description, with her half-Klingon engineer had been heavily on her mind. There was so much to consider: B’Elanna’s feelings, her own feelings, Tom, their working relationship, the command structure, being in the only humans within a range of about forty thousand light years... The more Kathryn thought about it, the more it all confused her. And all this confusion gave her a headache.

So maybe, she hoped, this day would be filled with distractions, things to keep her occupied and give her a much needed reprieve from the emotional maelstrom inside.

Sinking into her command chair, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. “Anything interesting going on?” She asked, careful to keep the hopeful tone out of her voice.

Chakotay shrugged lightly. “Not much. This region of space is almost completely uninhabited, so it’ll probably be a calm day.”

Kathryn couldn’t suppress a sigh. “Well...” She stated, getting up. “I guess that gives me some time to catch up with my paperwork.”

Chakotay smiled, knowing her well enough to realize she was almost hoping for a red alert to go off right there and then, to save her from her least favorite bit of captaincy: the paperwork that came with it. But everything remained quiet.

“I’ll be in my Ready Room.” Kathryn stated rather glumly over her shoulder as she headed towards it. “You have the Bridge, Commander.”

“Aye Captain.” He replied, as protocol demanded, before turning his attention back to the console on his right.

He was only mildly surprised when, about two minutes later, he heard the Captain calling him over the comm system. “Janeway to Chakotay. Commander, please join me in my Ready Room.”

Leaping to his feet, he made his way over, turning over the Bridge to an ever stoic Tuvok as he passed by him.

“Enter.” Janeway answered a fraction of a second after he’d requested entrance to the Ready Room. He stepped inside, finding his Captain standing at the replicator.

“Coffee?” She asked, turning her head in his direction.

Chakotay smiled and nodded. “Please.”

He followed her up the steps to the couch as she was carrying the replicated tray.

“Have a seat.” Kathryn offered, as she poured the hot liquid and added cream and sugar to his cup, after all these years knowing exactly how he preferred his coffee.

Chakotay sat down and took the proffered beverage, watching his Captain as she silently took a seat next to him.

She remained quiet, and Chakotay brought the cup to his mouth, using it to hide his smile. He could clearly see the internal debate Kathryn was having, even though she was trying very hard to hide it.

“So... What’s bothering you?” He asked after another minute of silence.

Kathryn looked up at him, seeing his grin and realized she hadn’t fooled him for a second. She rolled her eyes and smirked. “Nothing gets past you, does it?”

Chakotay merely responded by raising an eyebrow, giving her a knowing look.

Kathryn leaned back and exhaled.

“What’s on your mind?” Chakotay gently prodded her.

Kathryn briefly stared at her coffee cup before fixing her eyes on him, knowing he would not expect her answer. “B’Elanna.” She stated matter-of-factly.

And sure enough her second in command’s eyebrows rose questioningly. “B’Elanna?” He asked, wondering why Kathryn seemed to be worried about the Chief Engineer.

Kathryn couldn’t help the grin that spread on her face. “So I do still get to surprise you, every now and then.” She teased.

Chakotay nodded. “Apparently.” Then he frowned. “What about B’Elanna?” He continued.

“I think I’m falling in love with her.” Kathryn replied deadpan, watching Chakotay his eyebrows almost disappear past his hairline in disbelief.

His almost comically surprised expression made Kathryn laugh out loud. “That’s twice in one day Commander.” She chuckled at first, but then released a shuddering breath and looked up at him self-consciously, her head slightly tilted to the left, vulnerability showing clear as day in her eyes.

Kathryn’s sudden rather insecure demeanor told Chakotay that she wasn’t kidding about what she’d said. It took him a moment to wrap his mind around it. “When did that happen?” He asked finally.

Kathryn proceeded to tell him about her encounter with B’Elanna on the Holodeck and the following conversation. She didn’t go into detail, but opted instead to give him the main idea of everything that had been going on between them the last few days. Chakotay listened, his eyebrows still rising incredulously now and then.

“And now I think I may be falling for her...” Kathryn concluded after a few minutes.

Chakotay nodded slowly. “What exactly is the problem with that?”

Sighing, Kathryn brought her hands up to her face. “Everything and nothing, apparently.” She closed her eyes briefly. “In other circumstances, I would be open to exploring this but...”

“But?” Chakotay prompted.

“But so many things.” Kathryn said exasperated. “I’m not even sure of my own feelings yet. It might turn out I don’t feel the same and I don’t want to lead her on if that’s the case.” She shook her head. “We’re going to be on this ship, working closely together for the foreseeable future. If it doesn’t work out, there’s no way to put some space or distance between us. That situation is far from ideal, Chakotay.”

Chakotay pursed his lips. “Working closely together with a mutual unresolved attraction is clearly the better option.” He stated, with a light twinkle in his eyes, raising his hand to stop Kathryn’s objection. “I know you’re attracted to her, even if you’re not entirely convinced of that yourself yet, because otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Kathryn closed her mouth with a snap at his words.

“I know you, Kathryn.” Chakotay continued with a smile. “Generally you’ve already made up your mind before you talk to anyone. You’re looking for reassurance here by giving me all the reasons not to proceed to see if I can dismiss them using the same arguments you already made for yourself.”

Kathryn stared at him for a second and then grinned sheepishly. “Sometimes I forget you know me so well.”

He smiled at her which made the dimples in his cheeks appear. “Hey, I’d never have guessed you were attracted to B’Elanna.” He countered her words.

Kathryn smiled shyly, biting her lip. “Well, it seems that I am...” She said softly, tilting her head as she got used to the thought and what it implied. Because she knew Chakotay was right. There was no way they could just go on without at least exploring their feelings for each other.

Chakotay watched her closely as she came to her conclusion and was pleased with what he saw. Then a thought dawned on him. “At the risk of raining on your parade,” he said cautiously, “what about Tom?”

“B’Elanna told me yesterday that she was going to leave him, regardless of what happened between her and me.” Kathryn said. “Apparently it had been coming for a while.”

Chakotay nodded slowly. “Can’t say I’m surprised there. I was more surprised when she decided to marry him.” He gave Kathryn a scrutinizing look and thought for a moment. “I think you could be very good for her.” He said with a smile. “And I think she could be very good for you as well.”

Kathryn blushed lightly, not used to having her personal life talked about. Of course there had never been much of a personal life to talk about anyway. “Thank you.” She said sincerely. “You’re a good friend.”

He smirked. “And as a good friend, I’m going to leave you to your paperwork.” Chakotay said, emptying his cup of coffee in one last gulp and getting up from the couch.

Kathryn swatted his arm playfully. “Really Commander, you’re too good to me.”

~ ~ ~

With a satisfied sigh, Kathryn Janeway finished reading the last PADD and sat back in her chair. She’d spend virtually the entire day in her Ready Room going over progress reports, data analyses, inventory lists and crew evaluations, and now, she decided as she got up, it was time for a cup of coffee.

Just as she rounded her desk, the door chime sounded.

“Come in.” Kathryn stated, stopping in her tracks and leaning sideways, her hip pressed against the edge of the desk. The door opened and Kathryn smiled as B’Elanna came in, holding a PADD, but her smile faltered as she noticed the drawn look on her Chief Engineer’s face.

Wordlessly, B’Elanna handed her the PADD. Kathryn scanned it quickly. “The divorce agreement.” She stated softly.

B’Elanna nodded slowly. “I told Tom everything this morning.”

Placing the PADD on her desk, Kathryn gently put her hand on B’Elanna’s upper arm and softly squeezed it in support.

B’Elanna looked up at her. “We had a long talk and he respects my decision. He signed the divorce agreement this afternoon and I’ve been packing my things to move out.” She paused for a second. “I assume I can move back into my old quarters?”

Kathryn reached out and turned her portable unit towards her, quickly requesting the information. She nodded. “They’ve been temporarily used as a storage room, but just last week everything was moved into Cargo Bay one. I’ll officially sign them over to you again.”

“That’s great. Thank you.” B’Elanna said, glad she wouldn’t have to bunk in unfamiliar quarters.

Kathryn tilted her head and studied the other woman briefly, aware of how tired she looked. “Are you okay?” She asked softly, trying to capture B’Elanna’s gaze.

B’Elanna slowly shrugged and sighed. “Yeah...” She smiled sadly at Kathryn. “I guess it’s going to be awkward for a while, but I’ll be alright. I just hope Tom will be too.”

Kathryn nodded sympathetically.

There was a moment of silence as Kathryn wanted to reach out to B’Elanna, her recent decision to take things further still fresh in her mind, but this didn’t seem like the time or the place for it, so she kept herself firmly in check and hid behind the mask of the friendly and concerned Captain.

“Well, I’d better go.” B’Elanna said after a beat. “I want to move my stuff back into my old quarters tonight. I don’t want to drag this out any longer than necessary.”

“I can understand that.” Kathryn nodded. “Do you need any help, moving your things?” She asked as an afterthought, careful to keep the hopeful note out of her voice.

She expected B’Elanna would reject her offer, that she’d prefer to spend some time by herself after what had undoubtedly been an emotional day, but to her delight the half-Klingon suddenly smiled brightly at her. “I’d like that.”

“Great.” Kathryn beamed back, feeling her Captain’s mask melting away by B’Elanna’s eager acceptance. “Let’s go.” She said, placing her hand on the small of B’Elanna’s back to guide her to the door. “I’ve been cooped up in here all day.”

~ ~ ~

“Careful where you point that thing!” B’Elanna warned as she came out of the bedroom and noticed Kathryn trying to become accustomed to handling her Klingon Bat’leth. “I thought you were here to help me move in and not to play warrior with deadly weapons, probably ending up with your own arm cut off.” She grinned teasingly.

Kathryn smiled wide, carefully handing the Klingon weapon over to B’Elanna. “I’d certainly hate to explain that injury to the Doctor.” She stated as she watched the other woman handle the blade with a flair that belied practice. “Do you ever fight with it?” She asked curiously, angling her head in the direction of the weapon.

B’Elanna shrugged as she hung it on the wall. “Sometimes. But I think it’s a clumsy weapon. Great for ceremonial fights, but pretty much useless in battle. In a real fight I’d prefer a Mek’leth any day of the week.”

“Would you teach me?” Kathryn asked, finding herself eager to know more about B’Elanna’s Klingon side.

The half-Klingon looked surprised. “To fight with this thing?”

Kathryn nodded. “I’d like to learn some basic moves, if you’re willing.”

“Well, sure, I guess.” B’Elanna replied a little hesitantly. “We could do that some time.”

“Thanks.” Kathryn said casting a last admiring look at the Bat’leth before turning to B’Elanna. “So, what else needs to be unpacked?”

The younger woman looked around. “By now most of it is where I want it, really. I’ll do the rest tomorrow.” She walked over to the replicator. “Right now I’m hungry. Do you want anything?”

Kathryn pursed her lips as she considered it. “What are you having?”

“Banana pancakes.” B’Elanna stated with a smile. “I figure I’ve earned it after a day like this.”

Kathryn grinned. “I’ll have the same. No wait.” She reconsidered. “I’ll have... coffee ice cream.”

B’Elanna raised her eyebrow, but decided not to comment. She ordered the food from the replicator and handed Kathryn the bowl. “There you go. Enjoy.”

“I will.” Kathryn said as they both sat down. Wasting no time, she picked up a spoonful and directed it to her mouth, closing her eyes in delight as she savored the ice cream’s rich flavor. This was a treat she rarely indulged in and she allowed herself to enjoy every part of the ice cream experience.

Sitting at the other side of the table, B’Elanna forgot all about her own pancakes as she noticed the look of unadulterated pleasure on Kathryn’s face. She felt her own body respond to the image, just like it always did on the rare occasions Kathryn Janeway lowered her guard and allowed herself to be seen fully. B’Elanna swallowed hard as she saw the satisfied look in those blue eyes as they opened and locked on to hers.

Looking at B’Elanna, Kathryn noticed how the half-Klingon’s pupils had dilated and felt a rush of excitement flow through her. She hadn’t intended for her actions to be seductive, but the response she had evoked in B’Elanna gave her an unexpected thrill. They stared at each other for a few seconds.

“That must be some very... good... ice cream.” B’Elanna stated in a low voice, after a beat.

A slow, almost predatory grin appeared on Kathryn’s face. “It is.” She answered huskily, scooping up another spoonful of the creamy off-white treat and holding it out to B’Elanna, offering it wordlessly.

B’Elanna’s eyebrow arched elegantly as the other woman continued to surprise her with her flirtatious behavior. The half-Klingon normally didn’t care much for ice cream but that little fact never even made it into her conscious mind, as she opened her mouth and let Kathryn feed her the spoonful. She swallowed without tasting much of it and licked her lips, still maintaining eye-contact with the other woman.

“Do you like it?” Kathryn asked in a low voice, well aware of the suggestive nature of the question but unable to stop herself or tone it down.

B’Elanna felt her Klingon blood rush through her veins and knew she was in trouble. Whatever was happening between her and Kathryn, B’Elanna knew that losing control was likely to do more harm than good. So in an attempt to prevent just that, she surged up from her seat, exhaling heavily, and clenched her fists a few times before she turned to face the other woman. “Don’t play with me, Kathryn.” She said in a strangled voice. “Please.” She added, more softly, thinking that the older woman probably wasn’t aware of the effect she was having.

Kathryn watched her, surprised at first, but then her features softened. “Oh, B’Elanna...” She said softly, walking up to the half-Klingon and taking the clenched fists in her hands. She looked into B’Elanna’s dark eyes, her expression open, showing her vulnerability. “I’m not playing with you.” She whispered, her heart thundering in her chest. “I would never.”

Tension still radiating off her, B’Elanna closed her eyes and turned her head, fearing that what she thought she saw in Kathryn’s eyes, was only there because she wanted to see it.

A hand left her clenched fist and was placed gently under her chin, lifting her head. B’Elanna opened her eyes again, aware of the hand still touching her face, and saw Kathryn inching closer, her head slightly tilted to the right. Softly Kathryn brushed her lips against the younger woman’s, lingering there ever so briefly, before slowly backing away again, dropping her hands to her sides.

B’Elanna stood still, her eyes wide in surprise. After a beat she blinked a few times, as if to make sure her eyes were working correctly. Then she frowned while her brain tried to catch up with what had just happened.

Suddenly feeling nervous, Kathryn looked down and peered up to B’Elanna through her eyelashes. She felt her stomach flutter and bit the side of her lip as she watched the other woman’s expression change from confusion into realization and then finally turn to the same kind of nervous anticipation Kathryn herself was experiencing.

B’Elanna slowly reached out and gently cupped Kathryn’s face, feeling her lean in to the touch. She lightly stroked the other woman’s cheek with her thumb before Kathryn took her hand into her own and placed a delicate kiss on her knuckles.

“I think I’d like to find out where this could lead.” Kathryn whispered softly, still holding B’Elanna’s hand.

A hopeful smile slowly appeared on the half-Klingon’s face. “Really?” She whispered.

One corner of Kathryn’s mouth curved upwards into a lopsided, shy grin. “Really.” She boldly took a step closer to B’Elanna, so that their bodies were touching lightly, and took the half-Klingon’s head into her hands. “Would you mind if I kissed you again?” She whispered, half serious, half teasing.

B’Elanna responded by closing the distance and placing a gentle kiss on Kathryn’s lips, feeling her respond almost immediately. She kept it as chaste as her half-Klingon nature allowed, giving Kathryn the chance to set the pace. B’Elanna knew instinctively that Kathryn didn’t want to move too fast and she wanted to make sure not to overwhelm the other woman, which, considering her Klingon tendencies, would be a challenge at best.

She felt Kathryn’s tongue flutter lightly over her lips and parted them in response, letting the kiss become deeper. The sound of Kathryn’s appreciative moan reverberated in B’Elanna’s mouth and caused her to let her arms encircle the other woman’s waist, drawing her closer, making their bodies touch intimately.

Feeling herself rapidly approaching the point where she wouldn’t be able to stop at just kissing, B’Elanna drew back with superhuman effort, breathing heavily. Kathryn looked at her with unfocussed eyes, also panting, as B’Elanna stepped back a little, putting some distance between them. Her hands came to rest just above Kathryn’s hips, holding her steady.

Kathryn let her hands slide down and placed them on B’Elanna’s upper chest as she regained her breath. She grinned as she looked at the woman she’d just shared the most toe-curling kiss with she could remember. “Now I definitely want to find out where this could lead.” She purred in a low voice.

Seeing the barely controlled desire in B’Elanna’s eyes, she realized she’d better tone it down a notch before B’Elanna ripped her clothes of right there and then. As much as Kathryn wanted to explore things between them, she knew that she wasn’t yet ready for that. “I’d like us to take it one step at a time.” She said softly, gazing lovingly at the half-Klingon. “There’s too much at stake for both of us to just rush into this.”

B’Elanna nodded in agreement, succeeding in regaining control. “You’re right.” Suddenly she grinned. “I could probably use some of that ice cream now. To cool down.”

Kathryn tilted her head and laughed lightly. “Considering that’s what got us here in the first place, I’m not sure it would have the desired effect.”

“Good point.” B’Elanna noted as she took Kathryn’s hands into her own. “Join me on the couch?”

Kathryn allowed herself to be led towards the sitting area and sat down with B’Elanna, nestling contentedly on the couch, lightly touching. It was enough to keep a sense of togetherness but without igniting the fire in their blood.

They sat silently for a moment, enjoying the feel of their connected hands caressing one another.

“Thanks for helping me move in this evening.” B’Elanna said softly after a while. “I never realized how much I’ve missed this place.”

Kathryn studied the half-Klingon’s face for a minute before she spoke. “Do you think it’s a good idea for you to get into something else so soon after breaking up with Tom?” She asked, mildly concerned about the other woman. “I can back off for a while if you need it and give you some time to get settled on your own again, before we start exploring this.”

B’Elanna gave Kathryn’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’m alright. Really. We’ll just take it slow, as you said, and it’ll be fine.”

Kathryn grinned, feeling relieved. “Good.” She leaned in closer. “Because I’m really dying to do... this.” She whispered before she closed the final distance and slowly kissed B’Elanna’s eager lips. She was surprised to find she couldn’t get enough of the younger woman’s full lips. Their touch was intoxicating in a way that was totally new to her, despite her former experiences in her lifetime before Voyager.

She felt B’Elanna arm encircling her waist, attempting to draw her closer, and broke the kiss again before it got out of hand. Exhaling heavily, Kathryn dropped her chin onto her chest briefly, and then looked up again at B’Elanna. “God I love kissing you.” She blurted out.

B’Elanna chuckled. “Yes, that’s coming across.” She teased.

Kathryn smiled as she got up from the couch. “I guess the next one should be a goodnight kiss.” She stated as B’Elanna rose as well. “It’s late.”

Placing her hands lightly on what was rapidly becoming her favorite spot of Kathryn’s body –the spot just above her hips- B’Elanna inched forward and slowly, leisurely kissed her Captain. “Goodnight Kathryn.” She whispered when they parted.

“Goodnight B’Elanna.” Kathryn whispered equally soft.

~ ~ ~

Absently reading the PADD she was holding –the status report of the night shift in Engineering- B’Elanna entered the Briefing Room and noticed everyone except the Captain was already there. She sank down in a vacant chair and as her gaze crossed Tom’s, she gave him a weak smile, noticing his somewhat rumpled appearance. He just looked at her without acknowledging her and B’Elanna averted her eyes. His expression, almost devoid of emotion, troubled her more than any kind of accusatory or angry look would have.

In an effort to distract herself until the briefing began, B’Elanna started to reread the PADD she was holding. Yes, she felt responsible for Tom’s misery, but she’d done the right thing by leaving him. She knew he understood that to some degree.

Before she’d finished the first sentence on the PADD, the Briefing Room doors opened and Kathryn Janeway strode in.

“Good morning everyone.” She greeted the room businesslike as she made her way to the head of the table. “It seems we all have a busy day ahead, so let’s keep this brief, shall we?”

She sat down and directed her attention to Seven of Nine. “Seven, I understand sensors have picked up a class four nebula with unusually high concentrations of several hydrogen isotopes that may prove to be interesting.”

“Yes Captain. I would like to request a shuttle to conduct a short survey mission and collect some samples. However, I will require someone to pilot the shuttle as I do so.” Seven stated in her clipped way of speaking.

Janeway turned her head to the other side of the table and rested her gaze on Tom. “Well, that sounds like a job for you and the Delta Flyer, Mister Paris.” She said lightly, thinking he could probably use the distraction.

Tom looked at her for just a second, his expression unreadable, before slowly nodding once. “Yes Ma’am.” He said, then opened his mouth to say more, but changed his mind and remained silent. Janeway squinted at him briefly, not really sure what to make of his answer, but then mentally shrugged if off and turned back to Seven. “There you go: a shuttle and a pilot.”

Seven nodded her head in thanks.

With that matter resolved, Kathryn’s gaze swung to B’Elanna. “Lieutenant, are you and Harry ready to try another test on the power grid modifications?” She raised her eyebrow expectantly, noticing her Chief Engineer seemed preoccupied.

B’Elanna snapped out of her thoughts about Tom at the question and sat up straight. “Yes, Captain.” She stammered; feeling a bit self-conscious as Kathryn’s bright blue eyes were focused on her. She quickly recovered and continued in a professional voice. “We found out what went wrong the first time. Apparently there was some unforeseen interference from the warpcore that destabilized the EPS flow. We think we have found a way to compensate.” She finished, seeing Harry nod in agreement at the other side of the table.

“Very well.” Janeway stated. “You can begin testing when ready. If this works it will drastically improve our energy efficiency, and with any luck,” she directed her gaze to Chakotay, “we’ll be able to increase replicator rations. How are you coming with finding a solution for our current kitchen crisis, Commander?”

Chakotay smiled. “I think we’ll manage. So far we’ve had a few volunteers who are willing to do more shifts in the Mess Hall. I’ve already adjusted their duty assignments for the next few weeks.”

“Good.” Janeway stated. “Unless there’s anything else...?” She looked around the briefing table for other issues as she rose but none came. “Very well. I trust I’ll see all of you tonight at Chakotay’s birthday party. Holodeck One, 1900 hours. Be prompt people. It’s not nice to keep the elderly waiting.” She grinned coyly as she patted the big man’s shoulder. “Dismissed.”

~

“B’Elanna, wait up.” Harry said as he saw the half-Klingon enter the turbolift. He was also on his way to Engineering, to make the necessary preparations for the power grid test. “Thanks.” He said as he entered the lift and ordered their destination.

“I heard about you and Tom.” Harry spoke after a minute. “Are you okay?” He asked, genuinely concerned for his friend.

B’Elanna looked at him. “I’m the one who broke up with him, Harry.” She stated.

“That doesn’t mean it can’t be hard on you as well.” The younger man said knowingly.

“I’m okay.” She answered, sending him a thankful look, then hesitated a bit. “How’s Tom doing?”

Harry sighed. “He didn’t say much. I think it’ll take some time.”

B’Elanna nodded slowly. “Keep an eye on him, would you Harry?” She asked softly.

Harry nodded. “Of course. And if there’s anything I can do for you...”

“Thanks.” The half-Klingon smiled as the turbolift reached Deck Eleven and the doors opened. B’Elanna turned to Harry as they stepped out. “Come on Ensign, let’s enhance that EPS system and save this crew from death by food poisoning.” She grinned. “I never thought I’d say this, but some of the people on this ship are even worse cooks than Neelix.”

~ ~ ~

The Holodeck doors opened and Kathryn’s gaze was inadvertently drawn in their direction. A soft sight of disappointment escaped her when she didn’t see the person she was hoping it would be. She wondered what was keeping B’Elanna. The party was already in full swing and Kathryn was really looking forward to spending some time with the beautiful half-Klingon in a more relaxed setting.

Chakotay noticed Kathryn seemed more focused on the doors than on what he was saying and slightly leaned over to her. “I’m sure she’ll be here any second.” He whispered softly.

Kathryn blushed as she looked at him and saw the twinkle in his eyes. “Sorry.” She said. “I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“That’s alright.” Chakotay smiled. “I know what it’s like.” He added, indicating Seven of Nine standing a few meters away, talking to Tuvok.

“How’s it going between you two?” Kathryn asked with friendly interest. She’d been a little surprised to learn about the relationship between her First Officer and her ex-Borg protégé, but they both seemed happy, and that, Kathryn had decided, was all that mattered. She was glad Chakotay had found someone to love. And she knew for sure that he could provide the loving support Seven no doubt needed to discover her more romantic side.

“It’s going great.” Chakotay said affectionately, smiling as he saw Seven make her way over. The blond woman greeted both of them as she came to stand next to Chakotay, lightly placing a kiss on his cheek. Chakotay put his arm around her middle and pulled her almost imperceptibly closer to him.

Kathryn watched their interaction with a twinge of longing. She hoped that her relationship with B’Elanna would also grow to the point where they could enjoy the same kind of easy and open interaction in public.

Deciding to give the couple some privacy, Kathryn politely excused herself and went to the bar to get a drink.

She twirled her straw through the bright green cocktail and looked around, smiling as she saw most of her crew present and enjoying themselves. Her gaze fell on Tom Paris who was repeatedly taking swigs from a bottle he was holding and dancing rather provocatively with three giggling holograms. Kathryn frowned slightly. He was obviously acting out.

Her worrying over Tom was interrupted as she picked up on a familiar voice behind her. Turning on her barstool, Kathryn watched her favorite half-Klingon as she approached Chakotay.

“Sorry I’m late old man.” B’Elanna grinned. “But things in Engineering took a little longer than expected and I figured you’d keep.” She handed him her present, a replica of one of the sacred carved masks of his tribe. “Happy birthday!”

“Thank you B’Elanna. It’s beautiful.” Chakotay said, after he’d taken the wrapping off. Visibly touched, he gave her a heartfelt hug.

“You’re welcome.” B’Elanna said. “It’s the mask of wisdom. So in case it doesn’t come with age, you’ll have something to fall back on.” She grinned.

“How thoughtful.” Chakotay smiled, proceeding to show Seven the little intricacies of the various markings on it.

“Well, I think I’m gonna get a drink now.” B’Elanna stated. “I’ve been working all day. You two want anything?” She informed politely.

“No thanks. We’re fine.” Chakotay answered, noticing Kathryn sitting by the bar, watching them. “Enjoy that drink.” He added, with a smile.

As B’Elanna made her way to the bar her eyes fell on Tom’s antics and she frowned slightly. She’d seen that side of Tom before and knew it usually did more harm than good, but she also knew that if she went over to him, she’d only make it worse.

Reaching the bar she suddenly noticed Janeway sitting there, watching her with a barely concealed look of desire and B’Elanna’s worries just melted away. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight of ‘her’ Kathryn but, mindful of the many people within earshot, she settled on a light smile. “Captain.” She greeted the other woman politely.

“Lieutenant.” Kathryn responded, her voice a little lower than usual, as B’Elanna picked up her drink. “Been working late in Engineering?”

B’Elanna nodded. “Yes. We got the last little problems out of the system. The EPS flow is completely stable now.”

“That’s good to hear.” Kathryn responded, not really listening to what B’Elanna was saying, but instead paying more attention to the elegant way the Lieutenant’s lips moved as she spoke. It still surprised Kathryn how much she was affected by the other woman’s presence. It was very unlike her to react this way. She noticed B’Elanna was looking at her expectantly.

“Well, do you?” B’Elanna asked, fully aware that Kathryn hadn’t heard a single word she’d said.

Before Kathryn could say anything, the tinkle of a metallic object against a glass interrupted their conversation, as Seven requested the partygoers’ attention.

Everyone gathered around Chakotay before Seven delivered the Borg version of a traditional birthday speech. It was to the point and clipped, but contained subtle traces of humor that belied the ex-drone’s developing humanity.

Kathryn, again, didn’t hear a word of it, but was instead focused on the very close proximity of B’Elanna who was standing directly behind her. She was intensely aware of the warmth of the other woman’s body, the rise of B’Elanna’s breasts pressing against her back, and the half-Klingon’s light perfume that filled her nostrils.

The clapping that ensued Seven’s words brought Kathryn’s mind back to the Holodeck. Taking a step forward in an attempt to put some distance between her and B’Elanna, Kathryn risked a glance at the other woman who was clapping along with everyone else and saw her smiling smugly. She knew exactly what kind of effect she was having on her Captain.

The crowd surrounding them started pairing off to dance and Kathryn took that as her cue to cool off somewhere at the sidelines, sending B’Elanna a covert but decidedly teasing look. They both knew that B’Elanna wouldn’t come after her. Neither of them would be able to control themselves if she did.

As B’Elanna got whisked away by the Doctor, who was eager to show off his dancing abilities, Kathryn went back to the bar and ordered a cool, non-alcoholic cocktail. She got comfortable in her seat, watching the members of her crew enjoy themselves and her eyes drifted back to her Chief Engineer. She studied the woman, trying not to be too obvious about it, but her features nevertheless softened noticeably as she did so.

She sat there for a while before someone approached her.

“May I have this dance?” Chakotay smiled as he held out his hand.

Kathryn gave him a lopsided grin as she got up. “You may.” She replied lightly. “Where’s Seven?” She asked, but then spotted the blonde dancing with Tuvok. “Ah.” She said. “You’re both rounding up the lost causes.”

Chakotay cocked his head. “Can you blame me? You know you want to dance.”

Kathryn just patted his back. “Thanks.” She said softly.

He whirled her around in response and Kathryn laughed freely, for once letting herself be part of the group instead of standing on the outside looking in, as she often did.

~

As the dancing crowd switched partners after almost every song, B’Elanna saw no harm in trying to get a dance with Kathryn. In the current atmosphere nobody would think anything of it, and she had wanted to get her hands on the Captain’s lithe body all night. So when she heard the end of the song approaching, she skillfully maneuvered her dance partner, Leah Jenkins, towards Kathryn who was dancing with Harry Kim.

As expected, Harry noticed Leah and raised his eyebrow at her, silently inviting her for the next song. B’Elanna saw Leah nod in response and hid a grin.

The song ended, and for a moment Kathryn stood alone amidst the group of people. Then someone took her arm from behind and spun her around, and she felt herself being firmly enclosed into a secure but loving hold. “B’Elanna.” She gasped as she saw just who was holding her so tight.

The half-Klingon gave her a predatory grin and Kathryn swallowed hard. The previous dances had left her feeling loose and a little bit daring and she boldly pressed her body against B’Elanna’s, making her hiss in delighted surprise. B’Elanna retaliated quickly however, by making a tango-like move that positioned her thigh strategically between Kathryn’s, making her gasp in return.

Their dance continued like this and by the time the song was ending, they were both panting. B’Elanna pulled Kathryn close to her before they parted. “My quarters, fifteen minutes.” She whispered in her ear, then she backed off. “Thank you Captain. You’re a great dancer.” She said politely trying to maintain an air of innocence.

Kathryn smiled and nodded once. “Thank you, Lieutenant. You’re not so bad yourself. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a drink.”

“Of course Captain.” B’Elanna replied, watching the other woman making her way to the bar, wondering if she could wait another fifteen minutes.

~ ~ ~

B’Elanna keyed in the access code to her quarters and was surprised to see Kathryn already sitting on her couch as the doors opened.

She got up as B’Elanna entered. “Got here first, thought I’d let myself in.” Kathryn mumbled, feeling a little lightheaded in anticipation.

“Good thinking.” B’Elanna replied, with a predatory look in her eyes as she stepped closer. “Now...” She purred. “Where were we?”

Kathryn put her hands on B’Elanna’s upper arms and drew her closer. “I believe,” she murmured, “you were dying to do... this.” She brushed her lips against B’Elanna’s teasingly and felt B’Elanna grab her head to keep her in place.

“Oh you have no idea.” The half-Klingon growled before she kissed Kathryn hard and demanding, making her groan in appreciation.

Kathryn’s arms encircled B’Elanna, pulling their bodies closer together. Her hands roamed all over B’Elanna’s back and, feeling quite daring, Kathryn slipped them slightly underneath the other woman’s blouse.

B’Elanna hissed as she felt warm hands make contact with her flesh. Drawing her head back she saw Kathryn’s smoldering look and felt a fresh wave of excitement flow through her.

Kathryn removed her hands and reached for the tie of B’Elanna’s wrap around blouse, clumsily trying to undo it but not getting very far. Her desire to get the piece of garment off made it difficult to concentrate. She felt B’Elanna’s hands assisting her and finishing the task for her.

Delicately, Kathryn pushed the soft fabric off B’Elanna’s shoulders and let it fall to the ground. She lightly let her hands trail lower, raking her fingernails over B’Elanna’s breasts that were still clad in a standard issue bra. The half-Klingon moaned in appreciation.

They kissed again, as Kathryn palmed both breasts and kneaded them softly. B’Elanna growled deeply in her throat and encircled Kathryn’s waist, her hands grabbing hold of the other woman’s buttocks while she pressed her thigh in between Kathryn’s.

Kathryn threw her head back and moaned loudly at that gesture. After approximately seven years of celibacy, her body ached to be touched and B’Elanna’s obvious willingness to do so almost literally put her on fire.

B’Elanna kissed the exposed throat in front of her and lightly grazed her teeth over Kathryn’s jugular vein, as the older woman moved her hands to the clasp of B’Elanna’s bra and deftly opened it. She let the material slide over B’Elanna’s strong arms, and it too fell to the floor as Kathryn looked at the vision in front of her, her eyes dark with desire.

Never having touched another woman’s bare breasts before, Kathryn gingerly reached out and cupped one, carefully weighing it in her hand. Then she flicked her thumb over the already erect nipple.

“Kathryn...” B’Elanna hissed in response, drawing her closer for another heated kiss as Kathryn continued toying with her nipple.

At the sudden and unexpected sound of the door chime their mouths separated. They both looked at the door, slowly becoming aware of their surroundings again.

“Don’t answer it.” Kathryn whimpered, nuzzling B’Elanna’s neck.

“I wasn’t going to.” B’Elanna panted.

But then the door chime sounded again.

“Maybe it’s important.” B’Elanna murmured, not convinced.

Kathryn tilted her head and opened her mouth to say something as the door chime sounded a third time. She made a face. “Obviously it is.” Reluctantly she stepped back as B’Elanna retrieved her blouse from the floor and proceeded to put it on before making her way towards the door with an extremely annoyed look on her face.

Her irritation at being interrupted lessened a little, but not much, when the doors opened and revealed Harry Kim.

“B’Elanna.” He started. “Sorry to bother you this late, but... Tom’s in Sickbay making a scene. He has a broken nose, but he won’t let the Doctor treat him.”

“What happened?” Janeway barked from behind B’Elanna’s back, before B’Elanna herself could ask the same question.

“Captain.” Harry greeted, only then noticing Kathryn Janeway inside B’Elanna’s quarters. He’d assumed the half-Klingon was alone. “I didn’t see it happening myself, but apparently there was an incident between Tom and Seven.” He explained, then turned to B’Elanna again. “He’s drunk. Maybe you can convince him to let the Doc take a look at his injuries because none of us are having any luck.”

Before B’Elanna could reply, Kathryn came up behind her and grabbed her elbow. “Let’s go.”

~

They stood in the turbolift that was taking them to Deck Five and Kathryn found she couldn’t help herself. She covertly sneaked a peek at the B’Elanna’s now covered breasts. Her nipples were still semi-erect and quite visible through her blouse since she’d forgone the bra. Kathryn subconsciously licked her lips and willed herself to look away. She was still very aroused and it took a lot of effort not to show it. And of course the memory of how those breasts had felt in her hands didn’t help.

As she lifted her head her gaze crossed Harry’s and Kathryn blushed as she realized he’d caught her staring at B’Elanna’s breasts. The young man gave her an awkward smile and proceeded to look straight ahead again. Resisting the urge to groan in embarrassment, Kathryn closed her eyes and mentally berated herself for being so obvious.

The turbolift reached Deck Five and they all exited, walking the short distance to Sickbay in silence.

“Mister Paris, please sit still so I can treat you!” The Doctor’s voice greeted them as they entered. He sounded extremely irritated as he eyed the newcomers. “Lieutenant,” he addressed B’Elanna, “maybe you can get him to lie down and let me treat his injuries.”

“B’Elanna...” Tom uttered drunkenly as he caught sight of her. “My pretty B’Elanna.”

B’Elanna approached him carefully, reaching out for him. “Tom,” she said softly, “you’re hurt. Let the Doctor take a look at you.”

“It’s okay.” He slurred, not really listening to what she was saying. “You’re here now. Let’s go home.”

“Tom, please.” B’Elanna persisted. “Let the Doctor treat you. You have a broken nose.”

He eyed her intently for a few seconds. “Why do you care?” He spat all of a sudden, trying to lunge at her. In his drunken state however, the maneuver caused him to lose his balance and he fell to the floor.

Both Kathryn and B’Elanna leapt forward to keep him restrained as the Doctor approached with a hypospray that was loaded with a tranquilizer.

“Stay away from her!” Tom yelled as he saw Janeway. “She’s mine...” He added, but then lost consciousness as the Doctor managed to administer the sedative. They put him on the biobed so that the Doctor could tend to him.

Kathryn sighed as she eyed Tom’s unconscious form and lightly shook her head. Then she turned around to Seven and Chakotay who were standing at the other end of Sickbay. They’d remained out of sight as not to aggravate Tom any more.

“What exactly happened?” Kathryn asked firmly as she approached them.

Chakotay opened his mouth to answer, but Seven beat him to it. “On my way to the bar Lieutenant Paris grabbed my arm and said he was going to show me a ‘good time’. He was drunk.” She stated matter-of-factly. “When I refused he persisted and grabbed my gluteus maximus. I told him to remove his hand. When he didn’t, I attempted to remove it by force. In the ensuing physical altercation I broke his nose by accident.”

Kathryn pursed her lips and shook her head lightly. “Are you alright?” She asked Seven.

The woman nodded. “I am undamaged.”

“Well,” the Doctor interrupted them as he came over, “Lieutenant Paris had a broken nose, a few bruised ribs and a sprained wrist, but I patched him up and he’ll be good as new aside from a nice hangover in the morning.” The hologram grinned smugly before continuing. “I’d like to keep him here under observation tonight because of the high alcohol level in his blood.”

“Very well Doctor, thank you.” Janeway acknowledged, watching B’Elanna from the corner of her eye. The half-Klingon hadn’t said a word since Tom had been sedated and stood a little to the side, eyeing him pensively.

In the knowledge that Tom was taken care of, Harry, Seven and Chakotay left Sickbay. The Doctor retreated to his office to write his report, leaving Kathryn and B’Elanna alone with a still unconscious Tom.

Kathryn carefully approached the half-Klingon and placed a comforting hand between her shoulder blades.

“Are you alright?” She asked softly.

B’Elanna let out a deep sigh. “So much for hoping he’d handle it well.” She paused, biting her lip. “It’s not a nice feeling...” she added softly, “being responsible for someone else’s suffering like this.”

“Well then it’s partially my fault too.” Kathryn replied equally soft. “If I hadn’t gotten us all stranded in the Delta Quadrant...” She let her voice trail off as she looked at B’Elanna pointedly.

The half-Klingon looked back at her with a faint smile, understanding what Kathryn was saying. “I get it.” She mumbled.

“You did what you had to do.” Kathryn offered gently. “In time, he’ll accept that.”

B’Elanna’s shoulders sagged a little as she nodded slowly. “You’re right.”

Mindful of their limited privacy, Kathryn enveloped the other woman in a brief but firm hug and kissed the top of her head softly. “Go home, get some sleep.” She murmured against B’Elanna’s hair. “It’s been an eventful couple of days.”

Kathryn wanted nothing more than to go with her, but she reasoned B’Elanna would benefit from some alone-time. The younger woman looked like she might argue at first, but then sighed and nodded, feeling the fatigue, both mentally and physically, claiming her.

Glancing over at the Doctor’s office, satisfied he couldn’t see them, B’Elanna pressed a soft kiss on her lover’s lips. “Sorry about all this.” She whispered.

Kathryn tilted her head back and grinned. “I’m sure you’ll make it up to me one day.”

“You bet.” B’Elanna answered with a soft smile. She gazed into Kathryn’s eyes for a moment, drawing comfort from the loving look she found there, then exhaled slowly. “Goodnight.” She said quietly.

“Sleep well, B’Elanna.” Kathryn answered kindly as the other woman left Sickbay.

Kathryn’s eyes came to rest on Tom’s unconscious form once more. As a woman, she felt for him. As a Captain, she couldn’t really approve of his coping strategy and she would have to reprimand him. Shaking her head slowly, she turned around and made a quick stop at the Doctor’s office to inform him she wanted to see his patient, sober, in her Ready Room the next day.

Outside Sickbay Kathryn headed for the nearest turbolift and ordered it to take her to her own quarters. Although she would have loved spending the night with B’Elanna, she didn’t mind going home alone.

A few moments later, as she entered her bedroom, Kathryn Janeway smiled softly. Yes, she was alone in the sense that there was no one else in her quarters, but she didn’t feel alone. She didn’t feel alone at all.

~ ~ ~

Kathryn sat behind her desk in her Ready Room as the door chime sounded.

“Come in.” She answered.

The doors slid open and Tom Paris stepped inside, the telltale signs of a hangover quite visible on his face. “You wanted to see me, Captain?” He asked, knowing very well he was in for a reprimand about the night before. He didn’t really mind being reprimanded. He knew he’d crossed a line. What bothered him more, much more, was the person he was getting the slap on the wrist from.

Even though B’Elanna had told him that nothing ever happened between her and the Captain, Tom couldn’t help but feeling that Janeway was somehow responsible for B’Elanna leaving him. The after effects of the alcohol of the evening before, combined with the half a bottle of vodka he’d downed right before reporting to the Ready Room prevented him from getting a clear perspective on things and with every second he stood before Janeway, his mood got darker.

“Yes, Lieutenant.” Janeway sighed and leaned back in her chair, eyeing Tom Paris pensively as he stood before her desk. She could see the glint of defiance in his eyes and knew this would be an exercise in maintaining her calm. “I’m sure you remember why you ended up in Sickbay last night, and if not, the Doctor has probably filled you in already.” Kathryn spoke slowly. “And I don’t have to tell you that accosting a fellow shipmate the way you did, is conduct unbecoming an officer, to say the least.”

Tom nodded tersely. “Yes Captain.”

Janeway studied him for a minute before speaking again. “I know you’ve been having a hard time lately, but last night you were out of line. Seven has decided not to press charges, but I can’t just let this slide Tom. For the next three weeks you’ll be pulling double shifts in Sickbay and you won’t be allowed to replicate anything alcoholic.”

Kathryn could clearly see the muscles in Tom’s jaw flexing as she spoke. “I also expect you to personally apologize to Seven.” She added.

“Yes Ma’am.” Tom spoke through clenched teeth as he looked at Janeway with dislike. In his current -drunk- state of mind it became very clear to him that it was all her fault. All the pain of B’Elanna leaving him, all the shame he felt for the way he’d behaved the evening before, somehow it was all channeled into an intense resentment for the Captain. And the way she talked to him, berated him, only fueled his irritation. This is what B’Elanna left me for, he thought to himself. All he could see was a woman who got her thrills from ordering people around, a woman who got her kicks from talking down to people, a woman who only got her power from the pips on her collar.

Seeing the tension in the young man before her, Kathryn proceeded carefully. “Since Seven is not pressing charges, and since this is not your typical behavior, I see no reason to put this in your record as a formal reprimand.”

“Gee thanks.” Tom uttered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Janeway cast him a warning look but knew better than to comment on his provocation. “That’ll be all Lieutenant.” She spoke coolly. “I believe you’re due in Sickbay for your duty shift. Dismissed.”

But Tom didn’t leave. Instead he took a step closer to Janeway’s desk and leaned over it, placing his hands on the smooth surface, his face so close that Kathryn could smell the alcohol on his breath. “You like that, don’t you?” Tom spoke in a dangerously low voice. “You like ordering people around, you enjoy putting me down, don’t you? Don’t you?” He yelled.

Outwardly Kathryn didn’t show any kind of reaction, but the look he gave her sent a shiver of fear down her spine. Before she could respond in any way, Tom spoke again.

“I don’t know what she sees in you.” He sneered. “You’re a sad, pathetic little woman.”

Kathryn’s mind was racing. Did he know about her and B’Elanna? It certainly would explain his hostility towards her. She had to get the situation under control before it got even more out of hand.

“Step back, Lieutenant.” Janeway ordered in her most authoritative voice, accompanied with a glare that would make any other person turn around and run for cover.

But not an inebriated Tom Paris. The alcohol levels in his blood made him feel rather invincible, so he leaned even closer until his face was mere inches from Kathryn’s. “Or what?” He challenged.

Janeway didn’t flinch. “Step back before I call security.” She said slowly and articulately.

“What, you can’t handle this yourself?” Tom sneered. “Are you afraid of what I might do to you?” His right hand suddenly shot up, gripping her by the throat before Janeway could do anything about it.

“Let go.” She croaked, as she tried to loosen his grip to no avail.

Tom didn’t listen to her. “This is all your fault.” He hissed. “You ruined everything. That’s what you do: you ruin people’s lives.”

He tightened his grip on the Captain’s throat and Janeway had to fight for air. In desperation her hand flew to her combadge and she struggled to get the words out. “Security... Ready Room...”

Tom shook her furiously as he yelled profanities, calling her names so exotic she’d never even heard of them. Seconds later, although it seemed like an eternity to Kathryn, the doors to her Ready Room opened and Tuvok, accompanied by two members of his security team, burst through, immediately jumping on top of Tom.

When they managed to pry his hand from Janeway’s throat, she veered back, coughing violently. Tom, all the while, kept yelling and screaming at her like a madman. “Take him... to the brig.” She wheezed.

Tuvok ordered his security officers out with a nod and knelt down in front of Janeway. “Are you alright Captain?”

She coughed again and nodded, rubbing her throat that was already beginning to show black and blue bruises.

“Perhaps you should go to Sickbay and let the Doctor take a look at your injuries.” Tuvok offered resolutely.

Still having trouble breathing, Kathryn nodded and got up on shaky legs. With Tuvok close to her, should she need support, she walked out of her Ready Room.

~

As Janeway strode on the Bridge, everyone was looking at her with interest. They’d just seen a kicking and screaming Tom Paris being dragged out of the Ready Room by two security guards and now the Captain emerged looking a little worse for wear. It wasn’t difficult for anyone to figure out what had happened. What the Bridge crew was in the dark about however, was WHY Tom would attack the Captain.

Everyone on the Bridge was paying close attention when B’Elanna gasped at the sight of her lover. “He attacked you?” She asked incredulously.

“I’ll be fine, Lieutenant.” Janeway croaked with difficulty, emphasizing B’Elanna’s title just a little bit and giving her a warning glance to remind her that they were in public. “I’m on my way to Sickbay.”

B’Elanna stepped up and grabbed her Captain resolutely by the elbow, directing her gaze at Tuvok. “I’ll take her.” She stated determinedly.

Janeway turned to Tuvok and gave him an imperceptible nod. She could clearly see her lover wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Very well.” Tuvok replied and took a step back, as B’Elanna led the other woman to the turbolift.

“Deck five, Sickbay.” B’Elanna ordered as they stepped inside.

As soon as the doors were closed, B’Elanna grabbed her lover by the shoulders and looked at her worriedly. “What happened?”

Kathryn brought her hand up to touch B’Elanna’s cheek to reassure her. “It hurts to talk.” She brought out.

B’Elanna gently pulled her closer into a hug and placed a light kiss on her lover’s temple. “It’s okay, you can tell me later.” She murmured into Kathryn’s hair.

At that point the lift arrived on Deck Five, and B’Elanna led her lover to Sickbay.

~ ~ ~

“What the hell is wrong with you?” B’Elanna fumed as she stormed towards the brig that held Tom Paris. “If you ever... EVER touch her again; I will kick your ass so hard your nose will bleed!”

Tom didn’t move. He sat slumped on the floor against the far wall. The drunken haze of aggression had left him, the anger had evaporated from his blood, and now all that remained was the dull throbbing feeling of loss. He didn’t feel equipped to handle that.

B’Elanna calmed down somewhat at the sight of him. She’d expected to find Tom still agitated and was fully prepared to yell at him to the point where he would be grateful to be behind a forcefield so that she couldn’t actually get to him. But as B’Elanna looked at him now, she didn’t see the madman he’d been when he’d attacked the woman she loved. She saw the pain inside of him and knew she was partly responsible for it.

B’Elanna sighed and stepped closer to the forcefield. “What were you thinking?” She asked him, shaking her head in lack of understanding.

At the more gentle tone of her voice, Tom lifted his head and looked at his ex-wife with bloodshot eyes, still not saying a word. Holding his gaze for a minute, B’Elanna clearly saw his torment. Then she closed her eyes and turned her head away.

“You shouldn’t be angry at her.” She stated. “She was only the catalyst to something that was destined to fall apart.”

For the first time since B’Elanna had entered the room, Tom spoke. “If you believe that, then why did you marry me?”

It was said in a non-accusatory tone, but still B’Elanna winced.

“I didn’t know then what I know now.” She replied evenly.

“What we had, was it ever real?” Tom asked so softly B’Elanna could barely make out the words.

“I wouldn’t have married you if it hadn’t been real at the time, Tom.” She answered honestly.

He nodded slightly, then looked her in the eye. “But now you’d rather be alone than married to me.”

It was delivered more like a statement than a question and B’Elanna kept quiet. She knew for a fact that this wasn’t the time to bring up the recent developments between her and Kathryn, and apart from that, there was nothing else to say.

Tom turned his head away from her and stared at the floor. “I think I’d like you to leave now.”

B’Elanna eyed him pensively for a moment, wishing she could say something to make him feel better. But there was nothing she could think of. Frowning slightly, she turned around and left the brig, without a word.

~ ~ ~

Kathryn was resting on the couch in her quarters as her door chime sounded.

“Come.” She ordered, her voice not yet back to its former state.

The door opened and B’Elanna stepped inside, casting a worried glance at her lover. “How are you?” She asked softly, walking over to Kathryn.

The older woman gave her a warm smile. “I’m fine.” She said, holding out her hand and pulling her lover down to sit on the couch with her. “The Doctor told me to take it easy for a while. No screaming and all that.”

B’Elanna gave her a lopsided grin. “Were you planning on screaming?” She asked mischievously.

Kathryn leaned over and kissed her lover playfully on the lips. “I might...” She grinned.

Smiling fondly at the other woman, B’Elanna reached out and let her fingers trail over Kathryn’s cheek, then down to her throat. Her smile faded as she could still discern some slight discoloration there from Tom’s assault.

“What happened, in your Ready Room?” B’Elanna asked softly as she looked up into Kathryn’s eyes.

“I was reprimanding Tom about last night.” Her lover answered slowly and sighed. “I think he’d been drinking again.” She added. “I could smell the alcohol on his breath.” She shook her head lightly and frowned. “I said what I had to say and when I was done he started insulting me, saying it was all my fault, calling me a sad and pathetic little woman. He really had it in for me.” Kathryn paused, remembering something else Tom had said to her. “He also said, literally: ‘I don’t know what she sees in you’. Do you think he knows, about us?”

“He knows that I’m attracted to you.” B’Elanna stated softly. At Kathryn’s surprised look, she continued. “When I left him, I told him that the feelings you evoked in me had made me question what I had with him. But I made it very clear that my attraction to you was a one-sided thing, that nothing was going on, that you didn’t even know.”

Kathryn stared incredulously at her lover for a moment. “You know,” she uttered slowly, “you could’ve told me that. No wonder he’s got it in for me.”

“I didn’t think he was going to do anything this stupid.” B’Elanna spoke exasperatedly. “As far as he knows nothing is going on between you and me.”

“Then I suggest we keep it that way in order to avoid my untimely demise.” Kathryn deadpanned.

“We’re going to have to tell him eventually.” B’Elanna warned.

Kathryn nodded. “Sure, eventually, when he’s had some time to work through all this. But as for now, I suggest we keep it discrete, not only in front of him, but in front of the rest of the crew as well. I don’t want anyone finding out about us and then spilling the beans to Tom.”

“Fair enough.” B’Elanna agreed. “What we do in our private lives is nobody’s business anyway.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Kathryn concurred. “So let’s keep this to ourselves for now, at least until...” She drifted off as something occurred to her. “Oops.”

B’Elanna eyed her lover questioningly. “What?”

“Chakotay already knows.” Kathryn answered sheepishly. “After that long day we spent in Engineering replacing all those damaged plasma conduits... I was very confused about the feelings I was developing for you. I needed a sounding board, you know? So I told Chakotay.”

“What did he say?” B’Elanna inquired with interest.

“He was very surprised at first, but then said he thought we’d make a good couple.” Kathryn smiled fondly at her lover.

B’Elanna grinned. “Well, we do...” She purred, nuzzling her face into Kathryn’s hair.

Kathryn pulled her lover closer for a lingering kiss. “I’m sure Chakotay won’t say anything to anyone, but I’ll talk to him later just to be sure.”

“Mmm.” B’Elanna murmured, suddenly no longer concerned about people talking, with her lover so close to her, placing feathery kisses all over her face.

The image of where they’d left off the night before, when Harry had interrupted them, flashed before her eyes and with a soft growl she pushed herself up to straddle her lover.

“I just remembered,” B’Elanna purred, “that there is some unfinished business concerning this particular good couple.”

Kathryn tugged her lover’s head down for another kiss. “Why Ms. Torres, I believe there is...” She grinned seductively.

“Then maybe we should... finish this business.” B’Elanna continued. “I also seem to remember that last time you were quite interested in this particular area of me.” She flirted while taking off her uniform jacket, making her breasts strain against the grey fabric of her top.

“I still am.” Janeway grinned earnestly. “Very much so, in fact.”

B’Elanna looked at her with a smoldering look as she dipped her head again and captured her lover’s lips in a passionate kiss that left both of them all hot and bothered.

Kathryn’s hands deftly untucked B’Elanna’s top from her pants and lifted it upwards, taking it off in one fluent motion. The bra B’Elanna had been wearing quickly followed suit. Gingerly, Kathryn cupped the mounds and flicked her thumbs over the nipples, feeling B’Elanna press forward against her hands.

Her lover moaned softly in appreciation, and even more so when Kathryn leaned forward and took one of the hard little buds between her lips, suckling on it tentatively. B’Elanna grabbed her lover’s head and let her fingers flow through the auburn tresses, urging her lover on with wordless whimpers.

Before she could get too carried away all by herself, B’Elanna gently pushed Kathryn back against the sofa and reached for the zipper of her lover’s uniform jacket. As they shared hot, open mouthed kisses, the half-Klingon helped Kathryn out of the jacket and immediately reached for the hem of the top underneath.

It was just about halfway up, offering B’Elanna a tantalizing glimpse of firm milky-white breasts snugly held by a dark red lacy bra, when the door chime sounded, indicating someone was requesting entrance.

Both women stared at each other, wide eyed and in disbelief. Then B’Elanna exhaled heavily. “Not again.” She groaned.

Kathryn pulled her top down and nudged B’Elanna off her lap. “Grab your things and wait for me in the bedroom. I’ll get rid of them. Go.” She spoke hurriedly, wiping B’Elanna’s lipstick off her lips and trying to get her hair back into some semblance of order.

B’Elanna quickly gathered her clothes and made a beeline for the bedroom, muttering expletives all the way through. The door chime sounded again just as the bedroom door closed behind her.

“Come in.” Janeway said, loud enough for the computer to hear and open the main doors.

Harry Kim walked inside, looking a bit nervous.

“Sorry, I seem to have dozed off on the couch there for a minute.” Janeway lied, hoping it would explain her somewhat disheveled appearance. “What can I do for you, Ensign?”

Harry looked uncomfortable. “I may be a bit out of line Captain, but I’m here to ask you to not be too hard on Tom.”

Janeway squinted at him, trying to focus on what he was saying and not on the feelings that were still coursing through her. She could clearly smell her own arousal and hoped Harry wouldn’t pick up on it and recognize it for what it was. With a frown she directed her mind to what the young Ensign was saying.

“...know what he did was wrong, but he’s been having a very hard time lately, breaking up with B’Elanna and all. And I think he’s acting out, you know, as a cry for help. He’d never admit to that, so that’s why I’m here. I think he needs help, not punishment.” Harry rambled on.

Janeway put her hand up to stop him, as he was obviously planning to hold a long discourse. “I understand what you’re saying Harry.” She countered. “And I sympathize, I do, but I can’t just let him get away with it just because he’s acting out of a broken heart. His punishment of double Sickbay duty stands, as well as the ban on alcohol. As for him attacking me, I think two days in the brig will be sufficient. Hopefully it’ll give him some time to clear his head.”

Harry nodded.

“I think that’s a fair punishment, Ensign.” Janeway added. “Tom’s lucky to have a friend who cares like you do. I hope you’ll keep an eye on him?”

“Yes Captain.” Harry responded. “Sorry to have bothered you.”

“That’s alright Harry. Have a nice evening.” Janeway dismissed him, kindly but surely.

The young man nodded and turned around, leaving her quarters.

Kathryn stood thinking about Tom for a second and shook her head with a sigh. Then a grin appeared on her face as she remembered that a very hot half-Klingon Engineer was waiting for her.

As she entered the bedroom, Kathryn was greeted by an irritated looking B’Elanna, standing with her arms folded over her still bare breasts, foot tapping in annoyance. “Why is it that every time I take off my bra, Harry Kim shows up?” She growled.

Kathryn laughed heartily as she approached her feisty lover, uncrossing her arms and taking the other woman’s hands into her own. “Anyone ever tell you that you look extremely sexy when you’re pissed off?” She grinned.

B’Elanna felt her irritation evaporate when she saw the look in her lover’s eyes. “Not really...” She smiled back. “So, ready to find out who comes running when you take your bra off?” She said teasingly, untucking Kathryn’s top again.

“If anyone shows up I’ll just flash them, because once that thing is off, it stays off for the rest of the evening.” Kathryn murmured as she took off her own top. “Even my patience has limits.”

B’Elanna wasn’t exactly listening anymore as the lacy bra came into view again. She stood staring at the vision in front of her for so long that Kathryn became a little self-conscious. “You don’t like it?” She asked, not sure why her lover was staring.

Looking up, B’Elanna gave her lover a strange look. “I never thought... I mean, I’ve dreamed, imagined... for so long. And now...”

“And now it’s real.” Kathryn said huskily, stepping closer to her lover so that they were standing toe to toe. “I need you to touch me.” She whispered into B’Elanna’s ear as she reached behind her own back to undo the clasp of her bra.

Gently, very gently, B’Elanna slid the straps off Kathryn’s shoulders, taking off the bra and uncovering Kathryn’s full, shapely breasts. She softly trailed her fingers from Kathryn’s shoulders downward, stroking her with a feathery touch, teasing her nipples and evoking a long, low, shuddering moan from her lover.

Taking Kathryn firmly but gently by the shoulders, B’Elanna guided her to lie down on the bed, and straddled her lover, hovering over her without touching. She teased Kathryn by kissing her lightly, each time drawing back a little when the kiss got deeper; until Kathryn yanked her head down to kiss her properly.

B’Elanna placed more feathery kisses along her lover’s neck, mindful of her injuries, and further down until she reached Kathryn’s lovely breasts that were heaving rapidly because of her somewhat labored breath.

She traced the aureole of the right breast with the tip of her tongue and Kathryn’s back arched off the bed trying to intensify the contact. B’Elanna took a moment to drink in the sight before her; how her lover was craving her touch, her skin gleaming with desire, a faint blush visible on her face, eyes closed in pleasure. Then she sucked the nipple between her lips and rapidly moved her tongue over it, pleased to hear Kathryn gasp in delight.

Kathryn grabbed the younger woman’s head and pulled her closer again for a searing kiss, pulling B’Elanna’s body down against her own, needing to feel the weight of her lover on top of her. B’Elanna eagerly complied and gave all she had to offer as Kathryn’s hands pulled her impossibly closer, slipping inside her pants, gripping her buttocks to push B’Elanna’s pelvis against her own.

B’Elanna expertly slipped her thigh between Kathryn’s, delighted at the soundless ‘oh’ that Kathryn’s lips formed on contact. “Pants.” She whispered in Kathryn’s ear, indicating that they’d have to come off sooner rather than later.

It proved impossible to maintain their position and at the same time take off the remainder of their clothes, so B’Elanna rolled off her lover and deftly took off her own pants before helping Kathryn with hers.

Now completely naked they both lay on their sides facing each other. Kathryn tenderly trailed her fingers along the curve of B’Elanna’s body, her hand coming to rest on her lover’s hip. Then she leaned closer again and shared slow open-mouthed kisses with the half-Klingon, kisses she just couldn’t get enough of.

Gently pushing B’Elanna down on the bed, Kathryn got half on top of her and tentatively let her hand slide between her lover’s legs. The obvious signs of arousal she encountered, together with B’Elanna’s appreciative moans, made her more confident and she started to lightly stimulate her lover, who shifted positions a little so she could return the favor at the same time.

Kathryn moaned loudly at her lover’s touch and after a moment they found a rhythm that Kathryn suspected would bring her to an intense climax sooner rather than later. The sensations of being touched by her beautiful dark-eyed Klingon, of touching her in return, the sights, the sounds, the scents,... It was all leading up to one big sensory overload, to a short-circuit in her nervous system.

Underneath her B’Elanna’s body was undulating rhythmically and the soft growls she let out reverberated against Kathryn’s lips, adding to the sensuality of their kissing. The half-Klingon was already flirting with the edge of orgasm and was directing all her effort to taking her lover with her over the edge.

As Kathryn too neared her first, but undoubtedly not last, climax of the evening, she broke the kiss and gasped, unable to focus on anything but the pleasure growing deep inside her. Her movements became a little erratic and B’Elanna felt her lover’s fingers twitch against her flesh. Kathryn was panting, pushing her face against B’Elanna’s neck and with her free hand, the half-Klingon roughly pulled her lover closer against her, needing to intensify the contact even more. It sent them both spiraling over the edge, their final movements jerky and uncoordinated before Kathryn’s body collapsed bonelessly on top of her lover’s.

Nothing but sounds of heavy breathing filled the air for long moments until B’Elanna lightly trailed her fingers over Kathryn’s back, causing her lover to lift her head with a smile.

“That was... incredible.” Kathryn purred, still slightly out of breath.

B’Elanna stared dreamily at her lover, reaching out to tuck an auburn strand of hair behind her ear. “That was only the beginning.” She teased lightly, placing a quick kiss on the tip of Kathryn’s nose. “I won’t stop until I make you scream...”

~ ~ ~

It was after his duty shift on the Bridge when Harry Kim stood in the turbo lift, heading for Deck Eleven. He’d tried to talk to Tom while he’d been in the Brig, and then again later after he’d been released, but his friend had refused to tell him why he’d attacked the Captain. And Harry felt like he needed to understand that situation in order to help Tom.

The only two people he could think of who could know the answer were the Captain herself and B’Elanna. And he couldn’t really ask the Captain, could he. So when the turbolift reached its destination, Harry stepped out and made his way down the corridor to Engineering.

“Hey B’Elanna.” He said as he approached the Chief Engineer. “Can I talk to you?”

B’Elanna looked up from her console and smiled at the young man. “Sure. What’s on your mind?”

“Tom.” He said pensively.

“Oh what did he do now?” B’Elanna asked slightly annoyed.

“Nothing.” Harry quickly reassured her. “It’s nothing like that. I just wanted to talk to you about... what’s been going on with him.”

B’Elanna frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You know.” Harry continued. “The way he’s been acting out lately.”

B’Elanna sighed dismissively. “He’s been taking the break up pretty hard I guess.”

Harry shook his head. “I don’t know. I think there’s more to it than just that. I mean, why did he attack the Captain like he did?”

Suddenly uneasy, B’Elanna studied the innocent face before her. “I don’t know Harry. Maybe you should ask him.” She offered, carefully trying to sound casual.

“I did.” Harry replied. “He said it wasn’t important. But I think it is. I mean, I know he respects her, so for him to go at her like that, it HAD to be something important.”

“Maybe it was some sort of cry for attention.” B’Elanna suggested, wishing Harry would just drop the subject.

But the young man shook his head in thought. He felt like he was missing something crucial. He mentally reviewed what he knew. Tom was having a hard time because B’Elanna had left him. He’d been drinking at the party and had the altercation with Seven. And then the day after, when he’d been reprimanded in the Ready Room, he’d attacked the Captain. But it hadn’t been because of the reprimand, of that Harry was sure. After all, Tom had told him that he was ashamed and embarrassed about the discord with Seven. He wouldn’t have attacked Janeway simply for doing her job as Captain and punishing him.

Harry sighed and frowned, feeling as if the answer was right in front of him, but he just couldn’t see it. There was just no link between the attack on the Captain and the situation with B’Elanna...

Or... was there?

The penny dropped, and it kept dropping... After the attack, B’Elanna had practically stormed to Janeway’s side, and she’d seemed very protective of her. And the evening before that, at the party, they’d been dancing together. Harry had been a little preoccupied, dancing with Leah Jenkins, but he’d distinctly heard B’Elanna growl softly in Janeway’s ear. And later, when he’d gone to B’Elanna’s quarters the Captain had been there also.

Harry’s eyes went wide when he remembered the look of pure lust on Janeway’s face when she’d been staring at B’Elanna’s breasts in the turbolift and her embarrassment at him catching her. He looked up at B’Elanna when he remembered the words Tom had uttered drunkenly in Sickbay when he’d seen Janeway arrive with B’Elanna: ‘get away from her, she’s mine’.

Harry stared at B’Elanna like she’d suddenly grown a second head. “You left him for the Captain?” He asked incredulously.

“What? No!” B’Elanna replied nervously, but she could see he wasn’t just guessing.

Harry lowered his voice. “I’ve seen it. The little things: looks, touches...” He paused as he remembered the Captain’s disheveled look when he’d gone to talk to her. “You were in her quarters when I went to speak to her on Tom’s behalf too, weren’t you? She didn’t really look like she’d fallen asleep on the couch...”

B’Elanna briefly closed her eyes and exhaled. “It’s not how it looks.” She stated softly.

“You mean you’re not seeing her?” Harry asked disbelievingly, ready to call her a liar.

“I am. But it only started after I left Tom.” B’Elanna clarified, annoyed that she had to clarify it at all. She didn’t enjoy explaining her personal life, but knew for a fact that if she didn’t, things could turn out pretty ugly. “Look, Harry.” She continued. “Tom doesn’t know, okay? I’d appreciate you not telling him either.”

“If he doesn’t know, then why did he attack the Captain?” Harry asked confused.

“He knows I’m attracted to her.” B’Elanna stated, and then elaborated to make the younger man in front of her understand. “I’ve had deep feelings for the Captain for a long time. And even though she wasn’t even aware of them I still left Tom because I realized that I couldn’t be with someone I didn’t love as deeply as her. Tom knows all this: I told him everything. That’s why he was so angry at her, because he thinks if it wasn’t for her I’d have never left him.”

Harry let the words sink in for a minute and then pursed his lips. “I take it you’re worried what he’ll do if he finds out you’re actually together.”

B’Elanna shrugged. “I know that he was drunk when he attacked Kathryn. It really isn’t typical behavior for him to assault people. But I guess he’ll take it kind of hard, yes.”

“You’re going to have to tell him eventually.” Harry stated.

“I know.” B’Elanna replied. “But it’s too soon. I think it would be best if things settle down a bit first.”

Harry nodded slowly. “You’re right. He won’t hear a thing from me, no one will.”

“Thanks.” B’Elanna replied, relieved that Harry was agreeing with her.

“Thank you for confiding in me.” Harry said gently. As he turned to leave, he stopped and grinned. “Oh, and, B’Elanna? Congratulations.”

~ ~ ~

“I hate sneaking around like this.” B’Elanna muttered as she put on her shoes, sitting on the edge of Kathryn’s bed.

Her lover rolled closer to her and embraced her from behind. “I know.” Kathryn said softly. “But you know what would happen if someone asked for you in the middle of the night and they discovered you were in my bed, or vice versa.” She placed a soft kiss on B’Elanna’s shoulder. “It would be all over the ship within two seconds.”

“I could program the computer to lie if someone inquired about our whereabouts.” B’Elanna offered, sulking slightly.

Kathryn grinned. “I’ll bet you could.”

B’Elanna turned around and looked at her lover who was wrapped in nothing but a sheet. “I’m discovering I’m not the kind of person who can keep quiet about being in love.” She confessed huskily. “If it wasn’t for Tom I’d make a shipwide announcement, I’d kiss you on the Bridge and I’d have you in the Briefing Room.”

“I just might let you do that...” Kathryn winked and then got more serious, cupping her lover’s cheek. “It won’t be like this forever.”

B’Elanna sighed. “You’re right.” She kissed the palm of the other woman’s hand. “I think I’m going to talk to Tom soon. Lately he’s seemed more like his old self. Even Harry has said so.”

Kathryn nodded pensively. “If you think the time is right, then by all means.” She looked up at her lover from under long eyelashes. “I’m not too keen on facing his wrath, but I’d do anything to be able to fall asleep in your arms and wake up in them the next morning...”

Dipping her head, B’Elanna slowly captured her lover’s lips with her own, kissing her sensually. “How about I just tell him over the comm right now?” The half-Klingon whispered.

“You’ll do no such thing.” Kathryn replied softly, running her fingers through B’Elanna’s thick hair. She placed a playful kiss on the tip of the other woman’s nose. “Now, get out of here while you still can.”

B’Elanna grinned and stood up from the bed. “Yes Ma’am.” She lightly touched Kathryn’s cheek, knowing that any other kind of touch would lead to more, but unwilling to forgo the touching altogether. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She whispered.

Kathryn smiled fondly at her lover, not allowing herself to reach out for her. She always hated this part of the evening. But, she reasoned, soon it would be a thing of the past. A thought crossed her mind as B’Elanna neared the door. “Hey!” She called out; seeing her lover stop in her tracks and turn around. “Are we still on for tomorrow?”

At B’Elanna’s questioning look, she clarified. “The Holodeck, tomorrow after your shift. You were going to teach me how to fight with a Bat’leth.”

“Right.” B’Elanna replied. “I almost forgot. I guess I’ll better inform the Doctor about upcoming casualties...”

Kathryn snorted. “Oh how bad could it be? I can hold my own in a fight.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about.” B’Elanna replied cheekily and headed for the door.

~ ~ ~

“I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show, Lieutenant.” Kathryn grinned as her lover entered the Holodeck.

“Sorry, I got held up in Engineering.” B’Elanna answered distractedly. “The EPS system is still experiencing some unexpected hiccups after those last modifications.”

“Do you need to get back down there?” Kathryn asked, in full Captain mode.

B’Elanna shook her head. “I’ve been cooped up in there all day. As long as the diagnostics are running, there’s not much for me to do there anyway.” She suddenly grinned. “Besides, I’ve been looking forward to this.”

Kathryn relaxed and smiled. “Good. So, where do we start?”

“Computer, activate program ‘Klingon training ground’.” B’Elanna instructed and around them a sandy clearing surrounded by trees and high bushes appeared. In one corner stood a wooden rack holding several bat’leths.

“Not so fast.” B’Elanna told her lover, who was already making her way over to the weapons.

Kathryn turned around questioningly.

“Take off your jacket, and your turtleneck.” B’Elanna ordered.

Kathryn complied wordlessly; pleased as she felt her lover’s eyes travel over her revealed skin.

“Boots and socks too. Roll up the legs of your pants to about mid-calf.” B’Elanna added as she did the same.

“What for?” Kathryn asked. “I didn’t know Klingons fought barefoot.”

“They don’t.” The younger woman grinned. “But fighting with a bat’leth is more than just hacking and slashing your opponents blindly. You need to master the weapon first and a key element of that is balance. You have to be able to really feel the ground you’re standing on to achieve the right kind of balance.”

“Right.” Kathryn nodded, wiggling her toes in the sand. It was pleasantly warm, but not hot. She followed her lover to the wooden rack that held the bat’leths.

“These are holographic bat’leths. With the Holodeck safeties on, they are completely harmless to us. See?” B’Elanna grabbed Kathryn’s hand and drove a sharp end of the bat’leth through it. The tip seemed to come out on the other side like it would have in reality, but on the Holodeck the blade dematerialized as soon as it made contact with real life flesh and materialized again on the other side of Kathryn’s hand.

“Good.” Kathryn grinned as she grabbed her own bat’leth off the rack. “I’m quite attached to all my limbs and I’d like to keep it that way.”

B’Elanna smiled as they walked to the middle of the clearing and adopted fighting stances. The half-Klingon showed her lover a few key attack and defense moves and taught Kathryn their names, all the while paying close attention to the woman’s posture and stance.

B’Elanna had always found the balance exercises to be the most boring aspect of training, but watching the play of her lover’s muscles on her smooth arms and strong calves made her reconsider. As she stepped forward and placed her hands on Kathryn’s taut abdominal muscles to slightly correct her position, her hands lingered.

“Enjoying yourself, hmm?” Kathryn inquired softly, having noticed from the beginning how B’Elanna’s eyes had traveled all over her body appreciatively.

“Oh yes.” B’Elanna purred as she leaned closer and playfully bit Kathryn’s earlobe.

Kathryn shuddered and momentarily lost her focus, allowing B’Elanna to disarm and tackle her in one swift move.

“That was dirty.” Kathryn objected as B’Elanna offered her a hand to get up.

The half-Klingon grinned cheekily. “All is fair in love and war.”

“Yeah? We’ll see about that.” Kathryn snickered as she picked up her bat’leth and assumed her fighting stance.

B’Elanna did the same. “Come on; show me what you’ve got.” She teased.

Kathryn charged and tried to apply the moves B’Elanna had just taught her. The sound of clashing blades, mixed with Kathryn’s impatient grunts, filled the air.

B’Elanna found the exchange strangely fulfilling and felt her body instinctively react to the ancient routines. The movements and countermovements flowed together, almost like a ritual dance, until B’Elanna finally ended it by expertly flooring her opponent.

“You have some good moves.” She complimented her lover. “But if you’d tried that last one with a real bat’leth, you’d be an arm short right now I’m afraid.”

Kathryn grinned, breathing hard. “Right. I got a little carried away.”

B’Elanna didn’t reply. She was suddenly struck by the beauty of her lover: her eyes were shining; her unkempt hair seemed like a crown in the holographic sun; a slight sheen of perspiration was visible on her skin... The half-Klingon felt an all too familiar rush in her body.

Enjoying the sparring-session with her lover more than she would have imagined, Kathryn got back on her feet. “Ready for round two?” She asked sweetly, before charging at the still very distracted B’Elanna, in an attempt to get the advantage by the element of surprise.

But the half-Klingon didn’t even try to avoid the holographic blade. She wasn’t paying attention to the fight anymore. With all her senses she was suddenly acutely aware of the close proximity of her lover. Kathryn’s scent filled her nostrils and made her Klingon blood burn with an ancient fever.

At Kathryn’s triumphant ‘ha’, B’Elanna cocked her head and noticed the blade inches from her neck.

“Gotcha.” Kathryn teased playfully.

B’Elanna growled as she stepped closer to her lover, grabbing the bat’leth from her hands and throwing it away.

Kathryn raised her eyebrow in question, but immediately noticed the look of arousal in the other woman’s eyes. Something was different though. There was an almost feral glint that Kathryn had never seen before.

“We’re going to play another game now...” B’Elanna purred in a low voice that Kathryn found unbelievably sexy.

Before the older woman could suggest a more private location for that particular game, B’Elanna kissed her hard on the mouth and roughly pulled her lover against her. Kathryn absently noted that B’Elanna was being more forceful than usual, but all thoughts momentarily left her brain when the half-Klingon strategically positioned her thigh in between Kathryn’s. She moaned loudly at the contact which only served to further ignite B’Elanna’s fire.

The half-Klingon was purely acting on instinct when she swiped her lover’s legs from under her, making Kathryn land on the sand with a hard thud that knocked the wind out of her. Before Kathryn had the time to react or even catch her breath, B’Elanna practically pounced on top of her, pinning her lover’s wrists firmly above her head. She pressed her body hard against Kathryn’s and started kissing her voraciously.

Fighting to get some air under the onslaught, Kathryn wondered what on earth possessed the other woman. B’Elanna had always been a rather vigorous lover, a quality Kathryn ordinarily appreciated, but right now she seemed almost downright violent, and Kathryn wasn’t sure she was enjoying that. Bruises were forming on her wrist when she instinctively struggled to break free of her lover’s iron grip.

Oblivious to Kathryn’s trashing, B’Elanna lifted her head, panting heavily, and produced a sound that had nothing human to it. As it reverberated off the walls, Kathryn’s eyes went wide in realization. It was a Klingon thing. Her lover was in full Klingon mode.

Kathryn had never seen B’Elanna like that before. Her lover held herself upright scant inches above her, eyes wild, chest heaving, teeth gleaming in the sunlight. Kathryn was surprised to find the sight strangely arousing but at the same time she felt a sliver of fear. She knew without a doubt that the other woman would never consciously hurt her, but in her untamed state, B’Elanna might forget that her lover didn’t have a Klingon constitution.

Suddenly, B’Elanna let go of one of Kathryn’s hands and ferociously ripped off her lover’s grey tank top. Kathryn gasped at her forcefulness. B’Elanna tried to do the same with the underlying bra, but it offered more resistance and she didn’t have the patience to simply undo the clasp. Snarling, she gave the piece of clothing another hard yank, making Kathryn groan in discomfort as the straps cut painfully into her back and shoulders. Finally the fabric ripped, right between Kathryn’s breasts, and B’Elanna uncovered her prize with a triumphant roar.

With one hand she roughly palmed Kathryn’s right breast as her mouth hungrily sought out the left one, latching on to the nipple. Kathryn let out a loud groan as the sensation of pleasure and pain fighting for dominance rushed through her body. She yelped as she felt B’Elanna’s teeth graze roughly against her extremely sensitive nipple.

The sounds of her struggle only urged B’Elanna on, until Kathryn wasn’t sure she could take much more. B’Elanna’s body was grinding painfully against her own and the different nerve endings in and around her breasts were beginning to protest against the continuous and too forceful stimulation.

In an effort to make her lover aware of her agony, Kathryn grabbed a fistful of B’Elanna’s hair with her one free hand, and tugged at it. But B’Elanna didn’t seem to notice. Realizing the only way to get her lover’s attention was by force, Kathryn yanked much harder, feeling a surge of relief course through her when the half-Klingon let go of her breast and looked up.

“B’Elanna...” Kathryn panted; thinking she finally had her lover’s attention and hoping she could make it clear that she was only a fragile human, not a vigorous Klingon.

But B’Elanna was too much under the influence of ancient instincts to notice anything of Kathryn’s discomfort. All she knew was that her lover had just affirmed their bonding ritual by reciprocating forcefully. And now B’Elanna had to mark her lover as hers by drawing blood. She bowed her head and let her sharp teeth sink into Kathryn’s soft, unblemished skin, right underneath her left clavicle.

Kathryn cried out in pain as she felt her skin being punctured and roughly tried to push B’Elanna away from her, but the half-Klingon didn’t notice. Instead she delicately traced the wound with her tongue before lifting her head. Marking her lover bore a great significance in their bonding and she gazed down at the one she now belonged to with a look of pure devotion, expecting to find a similar expression on the face of her mate.

When her eyes locked with Kathryn’s, she frowned. The expected look of love and dedication was absent. Instead there was something else in those blue eyes, something she hadn’t expected at all. Fear. Suddenly the fire vanished from B’Elanna’s blood and the world around her shifted back into focus.

B’Elanna’s eyes went wide as she looked down at Kathryn’s body in its disheveled state and saw the bruises, the scratches and the bite mark she’d inflicted. Horrified and unable to speak she pushed herself off her lover, too disgusted by her own actions to be able to look her in the eye, and scrambled to her feet.

Ignoring the pain in her back and shoulders, Kathryn pushed herself up to her knees and grabbed her lover’s arm before she could get away. She’d clearly seen the realization followed by a look of self-loathing appearing in B’Elanna’s eyes and knew that her lover needed to be reassured now more than anything.

“B’Elanna!” Kathryn urged as her lover struggled to get away. She managed to get her arm around the half-Klingon’s waist and pulled her down to the ground with her, holding her tightly against her own body.

“It’s alright.” Kathryn whispered to her lover. “I don’t know what happened, but it’s okay. I’m okay.” She continued. “I’m okay.” She repeated soothingly, placing a soft kiss on B’Elanna’s hair. “It’s okay.”

“No.” B’Elanna said in a rough voice. “I hurt you. I bit you. I... violated you.”

“That wasn’t you, Lanna.” Kathryn replied softly, trying to alleviate her lover’s guilt. “You were obviously under some kind of Klingon influence that...”

“But I AM Klingon. It WAS me!” B’Elanna interrupted vehemently, breaking free of Kathryn’s hold and turning around to face her.

“Don’t you see?” She added, struggling to hold back a sob. “I am Klingon. I did this to you.” She grabbed Kathryn’s wrist and indicated the dark, angry-looking bruises. “And this.” She pointed at the various scratches on Kathryn’s arms and torso. “And... this.” B’Elanna’s voice broke as she pointed at the blood-encrusted bite mark. “I hurt you...” She whispered, looking away with tears of frustration and shame running down her cheeks.

“On purpose?” Kathryn asked immediately.

B’Elanna’s head snapped up. “No!” She replied, suddenly looking crestfallen. “Of course not!”

Kathryn’s expression softened as she reached out and cupped B’Elanna’s cheek. “And you never will. I know that. And you know that.” She said softly. “And that’s good enough for me.”

“But what if I hadn’t stopped?” B’Elanna asked, still conflicted. “I could have seriously injured you.” She whispered, horrified at the idea.

“Don’t do this to yourself.” Kathryn tried to sway her lover. “You stopped. You saw I couldn’t handle it like a Klingon and you stopped before it got out of hand.”

B’Elanna turned her head away, unable to look Kathryn in the eyes. She couldn’t forgive herself as easily as her lover appeared to be doing.

“Hey...” Kathryn said, putting her hand under B’Elanna’s chin, forcing her to make eye contact. “Stop blaming yourself for this. You did nothing wrong.” She insisted. “Look at me.” She continued as B’Elanna averted her eyes. “I love you. Nothing will ever change that.”

She gently drew B’Elanna in her arms, feeling the obvious tension in the other woman’s body as she hugged her. “Don’t pull away from me now.” She whispered hoarsely. “Please.”

A shudder went through B’Elanna and a strangled sob escaped her as she buried her face in Kathryn’s hair, easing into her lover’s embrace. “I love you.” She breathed. “I’m so sorry...”

“Sshh...” Kathryn soothed, softly stroking B’Elanna’s hair. “It’s okay.”

Drawing back a little, Kathryn took her lover’s face in her hands and lovingly kissed her on the lips. “Tell me you’re okay.” She demanded, looking deeply into B’Elanna’s brown, teary eyes to make sure she was alright.

B’Elanna nodded hesitantly. “I will be.” She whispered, knowing it would take some time before she’d be able to forgive herself. “Are you?” She asked in return, worried about Kathryn’s physical injuries. “Maybe you should get to Sickbay, let the Doctor take a look at your... injuries.”

“I’ve had worse.” Kathryn stated evenly, not very keen on explaining her condition to the Doctor. She planned on taking a hot bath to soothe her muscles and then take it easy for a few days. Hopefully that would be enough.

“You’ll need a dermal regenerator to get rid of that.” B’Elanna said softly, indicating the bite mark above Kathryn’s left breast.

“I’m keeping the mark.” Kathryn replied matter-of-factly.

B’Elanna frowned, not sure she wanted the constant reminder of her violent outburst. “Why?”

Kathryn delicately traced the outline of the mark and then looked at B’Elanna intently. “Because it means that I’m yours.” She declared in a soft voice.

B’Elanna stared wordlessly at her lover.

“What?” Kathryn said, half serious, half teasing. “You haven’t changed your mind about me, have you?”

“No! No, of course not.” B’Elanna responded. “It’s just that... I didn’t think you’d want to be reminded of... all this.”

“All it reminds me of is that my heart belongs to you. And that is something I’ll gladly be reminded of for the rest of my days.” Kathryn spoke sincerely.

B’Elanna searched her lover’s eyes. “Do you really mean that?” She asked, barely audible.

“I do.” Kathryn replied. “That’s why I’m keeping the mark, to show you.”

“I’m perfectly willing to take your word for it. You don’t have to do this because of me.” B’Elanna protested, not wanting her lover to do this out of misplaced loyalty to her Klingon heritage or to alleviate her guilt.

Kathryn pursed her lips and glared at her lover affectionately. “Honey,” she stated resolutely, “I’m keeping it.”

A slight smile played around B’Elanna’s mouth at her lover’s no nonsense tone. When Kathryn made up her mind about something, no one in the universe could dissuade her. “Alright.” She nodded. “But I want to make sure it doesn’t get infected.”

“I know you’ll take good care of me.” Kathryn smiled.

B’Elanna bit her lip as images from earlier flashed before her eyes. Would she? Or would she lose control and maul Kathryn again one day?

Aware of her lover’s guilt reflex, Kathryn pulled B’Elanna closer into a comfortable embrace, opting to stay quiet to give the other woman some time. She was starting to feel the strain on her muscles and the bite mark was throbbing dully. But all that could wait, she decided.

They sat in silence for a while, on the warm sand in the open clearing, the sun pleasantly warming their backs.

Eventually, B’Elanna stirred. “I’ve never gone so Klingon before.” She spoke softly. “Never.” She paused. “I’ve always been on the more... vigorous... side, yes. But never like this. Never so... out of control.”

“Why do you think that happened?” Kathryn asked gently, having wondered about that already.

“I don’t know.” B’Elanna breathed. “I felt this... rush... when we were fighting. I felt so alive. With every clash of the blades I could somehow feel your heartbeat.” She shook her head, remembering the sensation. “It was... very powerful.”

B’Elanna thought for a moment how to describe what happened. “All I could think of was that I needed to be closer to you. And then, when I actually was...” She stopped, not prepared to voice what had come next.

“So was this a typical Klingon mating ritual?” Kathryn asked, aware that her understanding of Klingon culture was sadly lacking. She knew about the importance of the bite mark, but that was about the extent of her knowledge.

“You mean am I going to do this to you every time?” B’Elanna said dejectedly.

“No,” Kathryn countered, stretching the word out in a low voice, “I mean I don’t know much about Klingon mating practices. All I’ve heard are stories about knives, broken bones and throwing furniture.”

B’Elanna shrugged. “It’s a matter of personal preference I guess. Most Klingons like a certain amount of violence in their sex life.” She shook her head. “I’ve never been one of them though. I don’t see the point.”

“Still, this can’t all be just a matter of preference.” Kathryn mused. “The way you described what happened, it seemed more like some kind of instinct, like an urge. That’s certainly what it looked like from my perspective. You were as surprised about this as I was.”

B’Elanna frowned slightly as she contemplated that. “I’ve always thought...” she started slowly, “that initiating in the ritual of marking a lover was a conscious decision, a deliberate action.” She paused for a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s not.” She turned to look at Kathryn. “Maybe it’s based on instinct, on something more primal than a rational decision.”

Slowly, Kathryn nodded. “That would certainly explain what happened.”

B’Elanna let out a deep breath. “I’m not sure I like the idea of being a slave to my instincts. I can’t say I enjoy losing control, especially not if I end up hurting you like this.”

Kathryn pulled her lover close, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “We’ll figure this out.”

“Yeah...” B’Elanna whispered, hoping they would.

Wiggling a little to get more comfortable, Kathryn winced when her muscles protested.

“You should go see the Doctor.” B’Elanna said worriedly as she noticed her lover’s discomfort.

“I think I’m going to take a hot bath first.” Kathryn groaned as B’Elanna helped her up. “That’ll help my muscles relax. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll go to Sickbay, I promise.”

“Alright.” B’Elanna agreed, knowing how her lover disliked Sickbay.

Standing up, Kathryn pulled the other woman closer to her again, wanting to make sure that B’Elanna knew they were okay. She took B’Elanna’s hands to position them on her hips and then loosely circled her own arms around the half-Klingon’s neck, before placing a soft kiss on her nose and staring in her lover’s eyes intently.

Both were so engrossed in each other that neither one of them noticed the Holodeck doors opening.

“I’m yours forever now.” Kathryn whispered right before she kissed B’Elanna soundly on the lips. “Now,” she continued lightly, “where’s my shirt?”

“I think it’s...” B’Elanna started but stopped short as her eyes fell on someone standing at the Holodeck entrance. “Tom.” She gasped in horror.

Kathryn’s eyes went wide as her head snapped around to see Tom, standing behind her with a look of disbelief on his face. She crossed her arms in front of her still nude chest to cover up, but Tom hardly paid any attention to her.

“I should’ve known there was something going on.” He scowled at B’Elanna.

“Tom...” B’Elanna spoke, taking a step in his direction, but he cut her off before she could say any more.

“I don’t want to hear it.” He spat before turning around and stalking out of the Holodeck.

B’Elanna briefly looked back at her lover, who mouthed ‘go’ to her, and then set off in the direction of the doors in pursuit of her ex-husband. Before she reached them however, the beep of a comm signal sounded.

“Engineering to Lieutenant Torres.” Nicoletti’s voice came over the speaker, sounding rather agitated.

Grabbing her uniform jacket from the floor, B'Elanna pressed it to answer impatiently. “Yes?”

“You better come down here. We’re having problems keeping the EPS-flow stable.”

The tone of Nicoletti’s voice told B’Elanna it couldn’t wait. “I’ll be right there.” She replied curtly, already putting on her boots. “Will you be okay?” She asked Kathryn as the other woman was struggling to put on her turtleneck.

Kathryn nodded with a grimace.

“Go take that hot bath. I’ll come to see you when I’m finished. Maybe then we can come up with a way to handle Tom.” B’Elanna said, frustration clear in her voice.

Grabbing her uniform jacket, she quickly kissed Kathryn on the lips and hurried out of the Holodeck.

Kathryn sighed and looked around for the rest of her clothes. The thought of a hot bath sounded better by the minute as her muscles were now really aching. Grabbing the torn tank top and bra Kathryn stuffed them in her pockets and donned her jacket and shoes.

“Computer, end program.” She ordered, before walking out of the Holodeck, and headed for the nearest turbolift.

“Deck three.” She ordered as she stepped inside.

Kathryn let out a deep sigh, wondering what was next. Looking down, she vaguely noted a dark stain on the grey fabric of her turtleneck right above her left breast. The bite mark had started bleeding again. She’d have to make sure to disinfect it, she thought, for her own sake as well as B’Elanna’s.

Just then a strange hum reached her ears. Suddenly on alert, Kathryn turned around to check where it was coming from. As she did so, the hum turned into a full buzz and suddenly Kathryn was thrown back when a whole side of the turbolift exploded.

~ ~ ~

“What the hell happened?” B’Elanna yelled at Nicoletti when she entered Engineering seconds after the explosion. Her thoughts briefly went to Kathryn, but B’Elanna knew that she had a job to do and that worrying about her lover wouldn’t help. People around her were running from one side to the other, furiously tapping panels.

“There was a pressure build-up in the plasma coolant system.” Nicoletti replied, calling up a schematic of the ship. “The coolant ducts on the port side have ruptured on several decks. It’s knocked out main power.”

“Great.” B’Elanna muttered before she quickly took a look at the display. The fluctuating EPS flow had pushed the capacity of the cooling system beyond its limits. They’d have to reinitialize the whole system.

“Vorrik!” She commanded briskly. “Get down to junction forty-seven and monitor the primary systems as we switch to emergency power. Keep an eye on the impulse reactor, make sure it doesn’t overload.”

As Vorrik disappeared, B’Elanna noted that her team was already working on identifying and bypassing the areas where the coolant ducts were ruptured. It would leave a few areas of the ship without power, but still it was preferable to a shipwide power failure.

B’Elanna examined which systems would be down until repair crews could replace the blown up coolant ducts. The auxiliary command processor on deck fourteen was down, so that would mean no comm system, no transporters and no turbolifts. Also on a few decks certain sections would have no power. All in all, it could have been worse, B’Elanna concluded, as she started shutting down the EPS system.

~

The first thing Kathryn became aware of was the acrid smell that was a mixture of burnt out graviton relays and plasma coolant. It made her cough and she groaned as her body objected to the movement. Carefully controlling her breathing, she tried to get up. A sharp pain shot through her right leg and with a cry she sank back to the floor. Gritting her teeth to keep the pain at bay, Kathryn reached out and probed the leg. It was obviously broken. She cursed.

Looking around, Kathryn couldn’t make out much of her surroundings illuminated intermittently by the dim red emergency lights. Automatically her hand went to her combadge. “Janeway to the Bridge.” She spoke in a voice laced with pain. But there was no reply. “Janeway to Engineering.” She tried, and realized that the comm system was down when no one answered there either. Kathryn cursed again. There was no way she could get out all by herself and she didn’t fancy sitting alone in the near dark, breathing toxic air, until someone found her. And she wanted to know whether her ship and B’Elanna were alright.

Trying to ignore the pain as best as she could, Kathryn dragged herself in the direction of the turbolift doors. She didn’t try to reach up for the control panel, figuring that since it wasn’t lit, it was most likely broken and therefore not worth the effort. In the mean time she noticed it was getting harder to breathe. Maybe she could get the doors open by manual override. The mechanism was hidden right underneath the floor and Kathryn pried open the panel that concealed the lever.

With her body twisted in an odd angle, she pulled the lever, and the doors opened a couple of centimeters before getting stuck. The crack was just wide enough for Kathryn to get her fingers through, but at least it let some fresh air into the turbolift. Her body aching because of the strain, Kathryn tried to pull the doors open further, but is was no use.

Panting, she leaned back, figuring out what to do next. Through the crack she could see the lift had stopped in between decks. Probably between deck four and deck three, she mused. She remembered almost arriving at her destination before the explosion hit. The floor of deck four seemed to be about a meter and a half beneath her.

Feeling some of her strength return, Kathryn once more tried to open the doors, but again they didn’t budge. She sighed and rested her head against the wall. She would just have to wait until someone found her. She probed her leg again, hissing when a sharp pain shot through it. “Damn it!” Kathryn swore in frustration and punched the door, then leaned back and closed her eyes to regain her calm.

A few seconds later she snapped them open again. Had she heard something? Kathryn listened intently. Yes, there it was, a faint murmur, like a voice calling out from some distance, coming from somewhere on what she presumed to be deck four. Scooting closer to the doors again, Kathryn put her face right in front of the crack.

“Hello?” She yelled. “Up here, in the turbolift!”

Listening again, Kathryn couldn’t make out anything. Whomever it was, might not have heard her. She shouted again, but there was no response.

Exhaling heavily, Kathryn peered through the crack between the doors into the corridor slightly beneath her. Suddenly she saw a beam from a wrist-light pierce through the dark. With renewed effort she shouted for help, relief flooding her as the person holding the light seemed to come closer.

“Hold on.” A familiar male voice yelled back. “I’ll get you out.”

There were scraping sounds and the man grunted as he tried to open the turbolift doors further. Kathryn helped as much as she could until the doors were open wide enough for her to get through. It would be a very tight fit.

Kathryn squinted when the light shone inside the turbolift and came to a stop on her face.

“Oh great. It’s you.” The voice she now recognized as Tom’s, spat irritated.

Kathryn felt a sliver of trepidation when he lowered the light somewhat and she could see the look on his face. For a split second she thought Tom was just going to turn around and leave her there, helpless. But then he extended his hand. “Come on.” He said gruffly.

“My leg’s broken.” Kathryn explained to him.

Tom briefly closed his eyes in annoyance. “I can’t do anything about that from down here. You’ll have to get out of the turbolift first.” He stepped closer, the floor of the lift at about the height of his shoulders, and reached for her. “Get down.”

Gritting her teeth again to keep from crying out in pain, Kathryn positioned her legs in front of the opening and scooted over to the edge. Tom didn't even try to support her weight as she lowered herself, and she hit the deck rather hard. Kathryn let out a sharp cry as she landed unceremoniously on the ground.

Tom knelt down on the floor to examine her leg. “I can set it.” He stated curtly, prodding the bone and the surrounding flesh professionally in order to find out how the bone was broken. “It will hurt.” He stated, unable to hide his smugness.

“Just do it.” Kathryn grunted, nearly passing out from the pain as he poked around.

Tom wasted no time and efficiently set the bone causing Janeway to scream in agony. He looked around for something to splint the leg and found two tritanium bars that would do the trick if he could secure them. “I need something to wrap around this.” He said gruffly.

Kathryn was still breathing hard and sweat was forming on her forehead from exhaustion. “I have...” She panted, remembering the ripped tank top she’d stuffed in one of her pockets. “You can use this.” She groggily pulled it out and handed it to Tom, noticing too late that the bra was also dangling from her outstretched hand. She cursed inwardly.

Tom looked at the proffered torn garments and felt a surge of anger flare through him. “Looks like you two were having a lot of fun before I showed up.” He sneered. “I remember when she used to rip off MY clothes...”

Kathryn closed her eyes and willed herself to stay calm, very much aware of her vulnerable position.

“Yeah, that sure used to be a lot of fun...” Tom continued to taunt her. “Did she bite you too?”

Kathryn’s eyes snapped open and she glared at him, conveying that he was treading on dangerous grounds.

But his question made her a little uneasy. Did that mean B’Elanna had marked him too? The half-Klingon had assured Kathryn that she’d never done anything like that before.

Deciding Tom was just trying to provoke her, Kathryn dismissed his words. She gestured with the fabric she was still holding. “Will that do to splint my leg?”

Tom stared at her, saying nothing for a moment. The look Kathryn could discern in his eyes made it quite clear in what kind of regard he held her. “I can just leave you here. In pain... Could be hours until someone finds you...” He stated, his voice strangely soft in contrast to the harshness of his words.

“I don’t give a damn what you do.” Kathryn said in a low voice laced with barely concealed anger. She leveled her gaze to meet his, hoping he wouldn’t call her bluff. They continued to stare at each other determinedly.

Truth be told, Kathryn's leg was throbbing painfully by now and the rest of her body wasn’t exactly enjoying itself either. But she’d just about had it with Tom and putting up with physical discomfort seemed like a small price to pay.

After a long silence, Tom finally took the fabric from her and examined it before ripping it into small straps. Kathryn exhaled quietly, relieved he wasn’t going to leave her there, and silently held the tritanium bars in place as Tom wrapped the fabric around her leg, making sure it was tight.

Tom did his job, but he didn’t try to be gentle about it. He felt a strange sort of gratification as Janeway grunted in pain and tried to stifle a cry or two when he handled her leg with slightly less care than a medic should display. He knew Janeway wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of complaining about it and he liked having that kind of control over her. It made him feel powerful.

Janeway sat propped up against the wall, exhausted from fighting the pain of splinting her leg. Small beads of sweat had formed above her upper lip and on her forehead. She was breathing heavily and her face looked ashen in the pulsating red lights.

Tom looked down on Janeway, wondering if he could leave her were she was now that she seemed out of immediate danger. Part of him really wanted to abandon her. She was the reason why he had lost B'Elanna. She was responsible for his pain. She should suffer in return.

“Help me up.” Janeway ordered in a voice that belied her weakened state. “I need to get to the Bridge.”

When Tom made no move to assist her, she tried to get up by herself, using the wall for support. But the pain that shot through her leg quickly put a stop to that. She sank back with a cry, tears welling up in her eyes. Her breathing seemed to become more labored.

Tom still stood immobile, torn between his dark desires to abandon the Captain and years of Starfleet training. He knew he should just help her, but the image of her kissing his wife kept playing in his mind.

Suddenly, Janeway lunged her head to the side and violently threw up. Even in the red light, it was obvious her face was deathly pale. She looked up to Tom, eyes unfocussed. “Please, help me.” She brought out.

Tom knelt down in alarm, checking her vitals. Her pulse was racing and she seemed to be running a fever. His blind anger had caused him to be negligent in his assessment of her condition.

Something akin to guilt came over him as he quickly checked her body for other external and internal injuries.

He noticed several tender spots and bruises on Kathryn's neck and upper torso. When he discovered the bite mark underneath her left clavicle, he veered away from her as if burnt. “She bit you.” He stammered. “You have it.”

Kathryn tried to ask him what he meant, but she felt another wave of nausea wash over her and retched again. “What...” She ground out with difficulty. “What's wrong with me?”

Tom was already picking her up from the floor. “I think... I think you have Blood Fever.” He grunted, straining under the weight.

Janeway opened her mouth to ask what that was, but another convulsion wrecked through her body and she passed out right after that.

“Shit.” Tom cursed out loud, walking a little faster. Things were not looking good, especially now that Janeway had lost consciousness. If she really had Blood Fever, he would have to get her to Sickbay fast.

Tom hurried towards the closest access to the Jeffries tubes. With turbolifts and transporters down, he would have to get down on a ladder to get to Sickbay. Luckily it was only one Deck down.

Careful not to aggravate Janeway's already precarious condition, he managed to put her over his shoulder in a fireman's grip and descended the narrow ladder.

~ ~ ~

Sickbay was a bit crowded when Tom entered. The explosion had caused some other casualties, their injuries varying from a sprained wrist to punctured lungs.

Tom put his Captain on the nearest biobed. “Doc, I need some help here.”

Recognizing Janeway, the Doctor quickly made his way over with a medical tricorder in his hand. He efficiently scanned her, then frowned, tapped the tricorder and scanned her again.

“She has it, doesn't she?” Tom asked quietly.

The Doctor turned at him in surprise. “Blood Fever?” He questioned, disbelievingly.

“She bonded with B'Elanna.” Tom stated noncommittally.

“Since the number of Klingons on board is limited to one, I gathered as much.” The Doctor answered deadpan. “I'm more surprised about the high amount of Klingon proteins in the wound. I never would have guessed that a half-Klingon/half-Human could have that much in her saliva. In fact, I didn't think she could express those proteins at all.”

Suddenly the tricorder beeped in alarm when Janeway convulsed again. The Doctor acted immediately, administering a sedative through a hypospray.

“We'll have to act quickly. Her immune system is responding in full force. I need the antibodies in B'Elanna's blood to counteract.” The Doctor spoke hurriedly. “I suggest you get Lieutenant Torres up here as soon as possible.”

~

Having hurried as much as he could, Tom reached Deck Eleven seventeen minutes later. He knew that every second mattered. He also knew that if he had brought Janeway to Sickbay as soon as he'd found her, they'd have some more time. If she died, B'Elanna would never forgive him.

He all but blazed through the doors of Engineering, shouting B'Elanna's name. A few of the crew looked up at him briefly, wondering if he'd lost his mind, but then resumed repairs on the EPS system.

“B'Elanna? Has anyone seen B'Elanna?” Tom yelled, looking around wildly but not spotting her.

“She's on the upper level, Lieutenant.” Vorrik stated in his serene manner when Tom was already halfway up the ladder.

“B'Elanna!”

Seeing her ex-husband climb on the platform, the half-Klingon looked at him with a mixture of annoyance and apprehension. She half expected him to make a scene in the middle of Engineering about what he'd witnessed on the Holodeck. “What is it?” She asked guardedly.

Tom pulled her by the arm. “You have to come with me.”

B'Elanna pulled free, angrily, thinking he was indeed acting out. “Tom, I don't have time for this now.” She continued tapping her console. “We can talk about everything when this ship no longer resembles a heap of scrap metal.”

Shaking his head, Tom grabbed her arm again. “No, no, you have to come with me. Right now!”

“Let go of me Tom.” B'Elanna growled, becoming irritated. She had to focus on fixing up the ship. Transporters, turbolifts and communications were still offline. As a result, humoring her spiteful ex-husband wasn't very high on her list. She turned around, hurriedly heading for a console on the lower deck.

“It's Janeway.” Tom shouted after her.

B'Elanna threw him an angry look, thinking he was about to run amok publicly. She stopped and turned around, ready to beat him to the punch. Literally.

“She's in Sickbay.” Tom continued.

Within a second B'Elanna was back up the ladder, gripping him painfully by the arm. “I swear if you touched her...” She growled.

“No, it's not like that.” Tom quickly replied. “She has Blood Fever. You need to get to Sickbay now. The Doctor needs your antibodies to cure her.”

B'Elanna frowned, not understanding. “What?” She loosened her grip on his arm. “What are you talking about?”

“There's not much time.” Tom spoke urgently, taking her hand and leading her to the Jeffries tubes.

B'Elanna frowned as she was dragged along. “She has Blood Fever?” She asked incredulously.

“Yes.” Tom acknowledged, hurrying up the next ladder. “When you bit her earlier, some of your saliva got into the wound. It contains a protein humans have an immunological response to.”

“But...” B'Elanna countered, thinking quickly. “I have bitten people before. I bit YOU before. Why didn't any of you get sick?”

Tom explained without losing tempo. “It only happens during the mating ritual. A neurochemical imbalance causes the release of certain hormones in your body, including in your saliva. In the presence of the hormones, that protein sets off an immunological response in humans.” Tom pulled at B'Elanna's hand to make her go faster. “Klingons have an antibody in their blood that prevents that. So the Doc needs your blood to save the Captain. And he needs it sooner rather than later.”

With B'Elanna mulling over the fact that her lover's life was in danger because of her, they climbed the rest of the way up in silence, going as fast as they could.

~

When the Doctor finished extracting the necessary blood, B'Elanna hopped off the biobed and made her way back to Kathryn. Her lover was lying unconscious, face ashen and sweaty, on the main biobed. Her condition was deteriorating with every second.

Gently, B'Elanna took her hand and brought the knuckles to her lips. “It's almost over. Hang in there Kathryn.” She murmured. Impatiently, the half-Klingon looked over her shoulder to where the Doctor was preparing the antibodies from blood he had taken from her.

As if sensing her look, the hologram spoke before B'Elanna could say anything. “I'm almost finished, Lieutenant. There.”

He immediately loaded the antibodies in a hypospray and administered it to Janeway. B'Elanna's eyes flew all over Kathryn's body, trying to pick up a sign that she was getting better.

“Nothing's happening.” The Engineer said anxiously.

Tom put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “It'll take a while. But don't worry, it will work.”

B'Elanna bit her lower lip as she nodded. She was afraid to take her eyes off her lover, afraid she could still slip away. And if that happened, B'Elanna knew she would never forgive herself. She silently urged Kathryn to fight.

“Mister Paris is right. It seems to be working. Her immune system is responding.” The Doctor stated softly, interpreting the readings from his tricorder. “I estimate she'll be waking up in a few minutes.”

Tom softly squeezed B'Elanna's shoulder. “See? I told you it would work.” He tried to sound confident, but still his voice had a certain tone of relief in it. He wouldn't know how to face B'Elanna if it hadn't worked.

B'Elanna nodded slowly, relief flooding her veins. “How is it that you know so much about Blood Fever anyway?” She asked him after a beat. “I know I can hardly be accused of knowing much about my own culture, but how is it that you seem to know more about it than me?”

Tom looked away. “I used to be married to a half-Klingon, remember. I wanted to know if there were any... risks. So I looked some things up.” He paused. “The first time you ever bit me I was scared senseless. But it turned out I didn't catch Blood Fever. Same thing the next time. And the next. So I just figured that since you're a half-Human/half-Klingon hybrid, it was different.” He shrugged. “Seems I got that wrong. I guess after all, I never got it because you and I never really bonded.”

B'Elanna looked at Kathryn's face, remembering the connection they'd made on the Holodeck and knew that Tom was right. It had never been like that between them, and it never could have been. “I'm sorry.” She spoke softly.

“I know.” Tom replied. “Me too.”

Looking him in the eye, B'Elanna could see that he was sincere, that he understood. She gave him a thankful smile.

A monitor behind Kathryn's biobed beeped and B'Elanna could feel her lover's hand twitching almost imperceptibly. Within seconds she had her face close to Kathryn's, making shushing sounds. “Sshh, it's okay, you're okay.”

Kathryn groaned. “What happened?”

“You're in Sickbay.” Tom spoke. “I found you in the turbolift, remember? I brought you here.”

Fragments of memories passed before Kathryn's eyes. After a bit she nodded. “My leg.” She grunted. “I broke my leg.”

“It's set and healing nicely.” The Doctor answered.

Janeway frowned, feeling her strength return bit by bit. “Why was I out?” She noticed B'Elanna looking away, like she felt guilty and cast a worried look in her direction.

“Blood Fever.” The Doctor supplied helpfully. “You had an allergic reaction to a protein in the Lieutenant's saliva. But we got to it in time. You'll be fine.”

Seeing the worried look Janeway was giving B'Elanna, Tom subtly signaled the Doctor to leave the two women alone.

When they were out of earshot, B'Elanna spoke softly. “I'm so sorry.”

“For what?” Kathryn asked.

B'Elanna sighed. “First I maim you on the Holodeck, now I almost got you killed.” She still refused to look at her lover.

“It's not your fault B'Elanna.” Kathryn soothed. “You know that.” With a little difficulty she reached out to touch her lover's face. “Hey, look at me.”

The half-Klingon looked up, with the knowledge that she was responsible for her lover's suffering. Again.

“It's okay.” Kathryn pressed. “I'm okay. There's nothing to feel guilty about.”

B'Elanna nodded, not entirely convinced.

The Doctor subtly made his reappearance. “I'm afraid you'll have to leave the Captain now, Lieutenant. She needs to rest.”

B'Elanna turned to the Doctor. “She'll be okay, right?” She asked him in a small voice.

Nodding, the Doctor responded. “I'm sure she'll make a full recovery, but she needs some rest now. You can come back tomorrow.”

“I will.” B'Elanna replied. She bent down to kiss Kathryn lightly on her forehead. In a way she felt relieved that she could go. She needed to think things through privately. “See you tomorrow.” She added lightly, but Kathryn was already succumbing to sleep.

~ ~ ~

“You've been avoiding me.” Kathryn didn't say it in an accusatory tone. It was more like a statement. She was sitting on the sofa in her quarters, still off-duty to recover from her injuries.

“What are you talking about? I've been coming to see you every day.” B'Elanna, who'd just entered the room after her shift in Engineering, replied casually. She took off her uniform jacket and tossed it on a nearby chair. “Do you need something? Another pillow, something to drink?” She asked, trying to be helpful.

Kathryn remained quiet for a second. “Yes.” She began. “There is something I want.”

At B'Elanna's inquiring look she continued. “I want you to sit down, here next to me.” She padded the space next to her. “Just, sit...”

B'Elanna frowned and cocked her head slightly. “Alright...” She said, clearly finding it an odd request. She sat down on the indicated spot, feeling a little self-conscious.

There was silence for a while as B'Elanna tried to figure out what she was supposed to do next.

Kathryn just looked at her. “So, is there anything I need to know?”

“Well...” B'Elanna thought for a moment. “Repairs on the EPS-system are coming along nicely. We'll be...”

Kathryn shook her head. “No. I...” She frowned. “That's not what I was talking about.” Pausing briefly, she fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, suddenly nervous and seemingly summoning up courage. “I meant, is there anything I need to know...” she looked up, “...about us?”

B'Elanna frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Has something changed between us?” Kathryn asked. “You've taken great care of me, but I'm thinking you were doing it out of obligation rather than because you wanted to.”

“I wanted to.” B'Elanna responded immediately. “I've taken care of you because I wanted to.”

Kathryn looked worriedly at her lover. “Then what's different?”

B'Elanna got up. “Why would anything be different?” She said defensively.

Sighing softly, Kathryn looked up at B'Elanna. “You've barely touched me since the accident.” She whispered.

“I was just being careful. Your condition was pretty serious.” B'Elanna spoke, starting to feel a bit targeted.

“I'm fine.” Kathryn spoke firmly, losing her cool somewhat. “You don't need to treat me like a porcelain doll.”

B'Elanna looked at her lover, eyes wide open. “I wasn't trying to. I'm just being mindful of your recent injuries.”

“I'm not going to break if you touch me.” Kathryn continued.

“I know that.” B'Elanna said curtly, turning around. She picked up a PADD and went to sit down with it at the dinner table, starting to read its contents.

The silence hung quite heavy in the air for a moment.

With some difficulty because of her leg, Kathryn got up and slowly made her way over to where B'Elanna was sitting. The half-Klingon looked up at Kathryn as she moved around, resisting the urge to help when her lover sat down with a painful grimace.

“You should rest. What are you trying to prove?” B'Elanna said quietly.

“Are you having doubts about me?” Kathryn asked, not paying attention to B'Elanna.

B'Elanna frowned. “What? No.”

Kathryn swallowed, and reached out to put her hand on B'Elanna's. “Then what...?”

As soon as she touched her lover's hand, B'Elanna pulled away as if burned.

Kathryn's mouth fell open, and she stared at her lover disbelievingly. “I tried to tell myself I was imagining things.” She whispered, her eyes desperately seeking B'Elanna's but not catching them. “But you can't deny now that you have been avoiding any personal interaction between us. Why?”

B'Elanna remained silent, refusing to look at her lover.

“Is it because you don't love me anymore?” Kathryn voiced her greatest fear.

Immediately B'Elanna's head snapped up. “I've never stopped loving you and I never will.” She spoke fiercely.

Partially relieved but now even more confused, Kathryn shook her head. “Then what? You love me but you don't want to be with me?”

As B'Elanna hesitated, Kathryn suddenly felt chilled to the bone. She swallowed, her throat dry. “Well, that's clear.” When B'Elanna didn't comment, she sat back and sighed. Tentatively, Kathryn touched the spot where B'Elanna had bitten her only days before. “I thought we had something special.” She spoke softly.

“No.” B'Elanna explosively jumped up from her chair and started pacing. “What we had,” she raged, “was me assaulting and... maiming you on the Holodeck. I attacked you! I was out of control. For Kahless' sake, I bit you and almost got you killed as a result!” Just as fast she calmed down and sank back on the chair, grabbing Kathryn's hands over the tabletop. “I love you more than anything, but I've done nothing but hurt you and I'm terrified that I'll be the end of you one day.”

Kathryn stared at her lover with a pained expression. “The only thing that will be the end of me would be the end of us, B'Elanna.” She spoke, feeling tears well up in her eyes. “Don't you get it? I love you, every single part of you, simply because it's you.” Kathryn angrily sniffed, overwhelmed by the strength of her own emotions. She touched the bite mark again. “We're bonded. You can't undo that.”

“Yes, we can!” B'Elanna shouted exasperated. “You didn't choose this! I forced it upon you, I didn't even give you a choice. And now you think you have to be with me just because of some stupid Klingon ritual. But you don't.” B'Elanna tried to persuade her lover. Her voice was thick with emotion and her breathing uneven as she added her final statement. “I'm setting you free...”

Kathryn was so stunned she could do nothing but watch as B'Elanna slowly got up and headed for the door, her shoulders visibly shaking. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but her vocal chords simply refused to work. Only when the door opened and B'Elanna was already stepping outside did her brain jump-start back into action. She got up. “Marry me.”

It was said so abruptly that B'Elanna almost didn't hear it. She stopped dead in her tracks and held still for a moment before pivoting around slowly. “What?”

Kathryn swallowed, gaining faith that this was the one right thing to do. Straightening, she limped towards B'Elanna. “I don't know how else to get it through that thick Klingon skull of yours that I WANT you. I LOVE you. I want to BE WITH you. I want to MARRY you.”

“You... you do?” B'Elanna asked in a small, surprised voice.

“Yes.” Kathryn replied, now smiling. She reached out and pulled her lover back inside, holding her hands. “I want you so much that, if you hadn't already bitten me, I'd ASK you to bite me. But since we've already done it your way, we'll have to do it my way: marry me.”

“Are you... sure?” B'Elanna uttered, still not convinced.

Kathryn smiled. “I've never been more sure of anything.” She searched her lover's eyes. “B'Elanna Torres,” she spoke seriously, “will you be my wife?”

B'Elanna bit her lip and then broke into a grin, smiling through her tears. “Yes.” She sniffed. “Although this has got to be the craziest marriage proposal ever.”

THE END

 

~ ~ ~


End file.
